


Captured on Film

by damianknight



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Angst, F/F, Love, Oneshot, romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26978803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damianknight/pseuds/damianknight
Summary: Don't you ever wonder about the backstory behind certain moments? Random "behind-the-scenes" oneshots mostly inspired by video clips of our fave baddest betches in (G)I-dle. I have some other random oneshots sprinkled in that aren't related to on-cam moments. I take suggestions, so drop what you'd like to see in the comments. So far ships include SooShu, Soomin, and MinQi. Thanks for reading!
Relationships: Seo Soojin/Minnie Nicha Yontararak, Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua, Song Yuqi/Minnie Nicha Yontararak
Comments: 33
Kudos: 183





	1. SooShu Damages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the angst. Felt like writing something sad. Inspired by Soojin trying to be "soft" for Shuhua [at 1:56](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cPg7naCNDUw)  
> 

“You…you don’t…want me…?” The words feel so foreign in her throat that Soojin is still half convinced she’s stuck in a dream.

The look on Shuhua’s face says it all.

“Unnie,” Shuhua begins, and then sighs as if breaking up with Soojin is the biggest chore in the world. “Leave me alone.”

The door slams in Soojin’s face and she’s left staring at the blank wood.

Just a few days ago, they were having fun, play fighting and bickering as usual. Shuhua had tried to kiss Soojin during their photoshoot, grabbing Soojin behind the neck and pulling her in. While that was certainly fine in the privacy of their bedrooms, making out in front of their members, not to mention the entire film crew, seemed a bit…dangerous. So Soojin had leaned away as far as she could with a revolted expression on her face. She thought Shuhua knew it was a joke, just like every other time Soojin had dodged her advances, but something felt off.

Maybe it was the fact that Shuhua stopped interacting with her completely after that.

Oh, of course, Shuhua had kept up the pretense when cameras were rolling. It wouldn’t do otherwise. But the instant the I-Talk camera stopped, Shuhua would drop Soojin’s hand and abruptly walk away as fast as possible. It was driving Soojin crazy—she even said on camera that she should be nicer to Shuhua. At the time, Shuhua had pouted and told her everything was okay, in that special sing-song tone she reserved for Soojin. Yet even then, the pitch was slightly off. Nothing the viewers would notice. But for Soojin, who was attuned to all of Shuhua’s voices after years of listening, the difference felt like night and day.

And the worst part was that Soojin couldn’t tell anyone about this. Even if she could, what would she say?

“Shuhua’s acting weird. She doesn’t want to kiss anymore, and we haven’t had sex for over a week!”

Soyeon would narrow her eyes and tell Soojin to stop jeopardizing the group. Minnie and Miyeon would unequivocally take Shuhua’s side no matter what. Yuqi, on the other hand, would gaze open mouthed at Soojin and hiss, “you guys are…dating???”

Soojin realizes she’s been standing outside Shuhua’s door for a good fifteen minutes. Inside, there’s silence. Shuhua isn’t playing that stupid first-person shooter game then, nor watching videos online. Maybe she’s sprawled out on her bed and also thinking about their fight just now.

“I can’t love you like this!” Shuhua had screamed at Soojin earlier in the living room. Miyeon wasn’t home yet, thank god. The remnants of their forgotten dinner lay scattered all over the floor.

“But Shuhua, what choice do we have?” Soojin had shouted back. “We live in Korea! It’s not like we can just get married here—”

But Shuhua’s eyes had widened at that before narrowing again. She roughly shouldered her way past Soojin and stalked to her bedroom. Soojin followed hastily, rubbing her arm. It stung.

“Shuhua, please, can’t we just talk about this tomorrow? We’re both tired and we’re not thinking straight,” Soojin had begged as Shuhua yanked open her bedroom door.

“No.” Shuhua stepped into her room but paused, her outline rigid in the glow of the incandescent bulb on her desk. She half turned toward Soojin who walked forward and tried to give her a hug. But Shuhua shuddered and deliberately backed away until there was three feet of space between them.

“I’ve thought about this. A lot. Ever since we started—ever since we tried dating.” Her eyes bored into Soojin’s and there wasn’t a shred of doubt in them. “What you said just now—that was—that was the most truthful you’ve been. You’re choosing your reputation over me.”

Soojin opened her mouth to protest but nothing came out. Maybe Shuhua was right. An unhappy gleam flashed in Shuhua’s eyes and she nodded as if she could read Soojin’s mind.

“See, you’re not even denying it. But you know what, that’s fine. I’m not going to make you choose. However, I will _not_ stick around until you decide to break up with me and get married to some stupid guy you won’t even like.”

“Shuhua, that’s not what I’m going to do!”

Shuhua’s nostrils flared and this time she took a menacing step toward Soojin.

“So what then? We’re going to just kiss in closets and bathrooms? Until when? We’re going to hide whatever _this_ ,” here Shuhua angrily motioned at Soojin, “whatever this is forever? I don’t want that! I hate it every time you pull away from me and act like you’re grossed out!” Shuhua punched the wall. “You’re trying to hide us because you’re a coward!”

Soojin didn’t know what to say and Shuhua knew it. Shuhua’s face twisted into a bitter smile and she started to close the door. But Soojin’s hand shot out, preventing the door from being shut entirely.

“So, what are you saying?” Soojin had whispered, words barely able to leave her mouth.

The resolve strengthened in Shuhua’s eyes as she took a steadying breath before delivering the death blow.

“I don’t want you like this.”

That’s when Soojin knew how it felt to really have her heart break.

She thought she was sad when Cube forced her to end things with Hui. She had cried for several weeks, listened to sad songs, finished the whole nine yards. But, (she wasn’t sure if this was the moment she started falling for Shuhua or she’d always been unconsciously smitten), time didn’t seem to drag on as much when her Shuhua crawled into her bed to cuddle, with a loud, “good morning Jjin-Jjin!” Or when Shuhua unfailingly praised her cooking no matter what she made, from burnt brownie cakes to milky carbonara. Not to mention when Shuhua would always defend her after anti-fans said cruel things during their V Lives.

Yes, Shuhua already captured her heart even before Hui.

“Shuhua?” Soojin’s voice comes out so shakily that she could barely make out her own words. She takes a shuddering gasp and tries again. “Shuhua, please, I—I know it’ll be hard, but we can figure out something, right? Didn’t you say, as long as we had each other, we’d be okay?” she pleads hopelessly, hands against the cold wood.

There’s no response.

And a part of Soojin knows that whatever they had has been damaged beyond repair. 

By her.


	2. SooShu Serious Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [15:46 from Shuhua's birthday V Live](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFoPNqJ-MMQ&t=955s)
> 
> "Let me do it (kiss you) seriously." - Soojin
> 
> \---
> 
> Ugh. Happy endings.

_Live a long life._

Shuhua angrily exited the messaging app and threw her phone on her bed. She flopped on top of her sheets, rolling over until she was staring at the blank white ceiling. Morning arrived hours ago, yet not a single one of her bandmates wished her ‘happy birthday.’

Of course, reading the comments on their shared Instagram page helped. She had spent close to an hour scrolling through all the messages, stopping every so often when people mentioned that Soojin ought to give her a kiss for a present. Yet even Soojin didn’t bother saying anything to her. Shuhua, out of pathetic desperation, made up an excuse to call Soojin when she left for a schedule. She had pieced together new lyrics to Love Scenario and sang them to Soojin as she got into a car. But still, Soojin didn’t give so much as an acknowledgement that today was Shuhua’s birthday.

Her phone buzzed and Shuhua eagerly grabbed it and held it to her face. Finally, someone must have remembered! But her heart fell when she opened a message from her manager reminding her about the V Live she had to do in half an hour.

_I’ll pick you up in five. Don’t be late._

Shuhua quickly typed back a curt ‘okay’ before sighing and lurching to her feet. No ‘happy birthday’ from him either. She stomped over to the closet and pulled out a recently washed black sweater. Black was an appropriate color for mourning her apparent lack of friends. She tugged it over her tank top and surveyed herself in the mirror.

A despondent looking nineteen-year-old stared back at her, clad in grey sweats and the overlarge sweater. At least her skin was clear. She twisted her hair into a long ponytail and grabbed her phone before exiting the room.

No one was home. Miyeon had taken Haku and Mata to the vet with Soyeon. Yuqi and Minnie probably were holed up together at the company, writing songs. Soojin had told Shuhua she’d join her for the V Live in case she needed help with the Korean. But at this rate, Shuhua would rather do the whole thing alone.

Her manager’s car stood running at the curb. Shuhua quickly pushed open the door to the apartment building and rushed into the frigid winter air. She approached the van and the door slid open.

“Buckle up!” her manager sternly said as she climbed in and settled into the seat.

Shuhua obediently inserted the metal buckle into the clasp. Outside, cold wind whipped through the barren trees as the overcast sky foretold more icy rain. Shuhua checked her phone again despite telling herself not to care.

No new messages.

Whatever. No one is ever going to get a birthday message from me again, she swore.

It had been a long time since she cried, but she could feel the beginning of hot tears pricking her eyes. She crossly squeezed them shut and willed her tears to go back into the tear ducts. The howling of the wind outside amplified her loneliness and it was with a savage sort of bitterness that she thought even the weather aligned with her mood.

After a short car ride, her manager pulled up in front of the Cube building.

“We’re here. The camera’s set up in the staff pantry,” he informed her, not even looking back.

Shuhua didn’t respond as she yanked open the door and hopped out. The icy wind blasted right through her clothes. She half-ran into the building, pausing only to give a short ‘hello’ to the receptionist at the front. The halls, normally teeming with idols and staff, sat empty. Fine by her. She rode an elevator to the fourth floor and quickly walked down the corridor until she found the V Live room.

She thought she was alone but the sound of approaching footsteps echoed throughout the hallway.

“Shuhua!”

Shuhua turned around so quickly she cricked her neck. Soojin strode purposefully toward her from the other end of the corridor, cloaked entirely in black with her trademark red lipstick gleaming through the darkness. Soojin stopped six inches in front of her, so close that Shuhua could feel the heat radiating from the front of her body.

“Unnie,” Shuhua squeaked, forgetting that she was supposed to be annoyed with all her group members. “You’re early!”

Soojin regarded her with a languid eye that made Shuhua want to both run away and lean in until there was no more space between them. 

“Hurry up,” Soojin drawled, her sweet voice unusually husky.

Shuhua unconsciously raised her hand but her fingers closed around thin air as Soojin pivoted and swept into the room. She meekly swallowed and tiptoed into the pantry. A barren table with a camera mounted on a selfie stick stood waiting in the room. Shuhua placed her phone down as Soojin pulled out two chairs. They each took a seat and Soojin clicked on the camera. Shuhua bent her head and blinked, willing herself to put on the pretty face for the fans. She felt the façade settle into place and looked back up, just as the digital clock chimed the hour.

The small screen lit up.

“Woah! Awesome!” Shuhua welcomed, peering the flood of messages bursting into view. “Hey everyone!”

The number of people wishing her a ‘happy birthday’ made her smile feel more effortless. At least Nevies appreciated her. She and Soojin introduced themselves in cheery voices. The comments poured in so quickly that it was all Shuhua could do to keep up with the missions the thousands of viewers sent in.

“Shuhua, give Soojin a peck!” Shuhua read. She grinned and bowed slightly. “Thank you for giving me this mission.”

Shuhua puckered up her lips and Soojin raised her eyebrow.

“Now?” she asked somewhat hesitantly.

But the hesitance was replaced with a mischievous smile and Soojin turned so she faced Shuhua fully. She puckered up her lips too and Shuhua momentarily panicked as she watched Soojin’s face loom closer and closer.

“Ah!” Shuhua yelped, as if she sat on a hot iron, when Soojin leaned in a bit too closely.

Soojin’s snicker snipped through Shuhua’s consternation and she pouted. A glance at the screen showed exactly how many fans thought Soojin should’ve kept going. The requests started to get more and more coupley. Shuhua taught Soojin a couple of Mandarin phrases at lightning fast speed, squealing on cue when Soojin called her ‘honey.’

In hindsight, doing this V Live with Soojin was easier than with any other member, Shuhua realized. Because she didn’t have to pretend to be happy—Soojin’s comforting persona naturally brought out the hidden joy within Shuhua’s heart.

“Soojin, give Shuhua a peck!” Shuhua mouthed slowly from the screen.

Soojin shifted in her seat.

“Hey, why are you lying?” she complained as Shuhua brushed back her hair and patted her skin.

What was that undertone in Soojin’s voice? Shuhua pushed the thought aside as she pointed to the pulse point on her neck. She could feel her heart starting to thud painfully in her chest. Beside her, Shuhua could almost hear Soojin deliberating, but she didn’t turn to look, instead pulling her head to the side and exposing more of her skin. Why was her heart trying to jump out of her chest? And why did her heartbeat increase threefold when she felt the warm hand grasping the nape of her neck, pulling her in with a foreign strength until those red lips planted a kiss dangerously close to the corner of her mouth?

“Ah!” Shuhua shot up as if someone planted a rocket under her chair. She danced in place, trying to shake the jitters loose before sitting back down.

“You have something there,” Soojin pointed out seconds later, finger poking at Shuhua’s cheek.

Shuhua used the camera as a mirror and looked at the small lipstick imprint Soojin had left. A wicked grin stretched across Soojin’s face as she glanced at the camera and then back at Shuhua.

“Let me do it seriously.”

Shuhua wasn’t sure she heard correctly. Soojin, normally so shy and reserved, wanted to give her a proper kiss? Shuhua deliberately swiveled her head toward Soojin. The way Soojin’s eyes were fixed on Shuhua’s lips made Shuhua drop her gaze and quickly whip her head around. What did she want? It felt like this entire moment hung on the tip of a knifepoint. Should she tilt toward Soojin? Should she push her away? She couldn’t even glance at Soojin. If she looked there was no telling what she’d do.

The seconds stretched on but Shuhua didn’t say anything.

Please, Shuhua begged internally, but she didn’t know for what.

“Don’t—don’t do this to us,” Soojin finally stammered, breaking the spell.

Shuhua struggled against the wave of melancholy that suddenly flowed through her. She stared at the floor and scuffed her feet against the linoleum. She’d have to figure out what that strange look Soojin kept giving her was, but later. And while she was at it, she’d have to think about why she felt disproportionately disappointed when Soojin didn’t follow up with the promise of a serious kiss.

The V Live continued, only pausing when Soyeon, Miyeon, Minnie, and Yuqi burst into the room with a blazing cake.

“Happy birthday Shuhua!” they screamed, crowding around the table.

At long last, Shuhua felt the veil of disappointment shrouding her heart lift at the sight of her family. So this was what they were up to! She clapped her hands together as Yuqi told her to make a wish.

“Shuhua was really sad,” Soojin explained, placing a soft hand on Shuhua’s thigh.

The members laughed and together they packed around the camera after Shuhua blew out the candles. All the fans sent in millions of hearts and the members showed off the presents for a minute before waving and closing out the V Live together. Once the camera safely shut off, the members started gathering their belongings in preparation to go home.

“We’re so sorry about ignoring you but it was for this prank!” Minnie confessed as she held onto Shuhua’s hands. “Are you all right?”

Shuhua gave her a wide smile as they bustled out of the room.

“I forgive you!”

Maybe this wasn’t such a bad birthday after all.

Later, when they were all home and Shuhua had washed the bits of frosting off her face, she stood outside of her bedroom door. Pondering for a second, she changed direction and quietly inched down the hallway to Soojin’s room.

“Unnie?” Shuhua asked after knocking twice.

“Come in,” came the muffled reply.

Shuhua poked her head around the door and crept in, closing it securely shut behind her. Soojin was lying in bed, looking at something on her phone. But at Shuhua’s entrance, she tucked the phone under her pillow and sat up.

“Hi,” Soojin breathed in that special way only she could, eyes still filled with that burning look from earlier.

Shuhua climbed onto the bed and nestled herself within Soojin’s embrace. It was heartening, how quickly they found their ideal position, and the familiarity reassured Shuhua. She remembered three years ago, when she first came to Korea, Soojin was the one who held her like this when she cried her eyes out every night. Things hadn’t changed much.

“What’s going on?” Soojin asked, voice as soft as the golden light spilling from her desk lamp.

Shuhua couldn’t quite say what was on her mind, so she simply buried her head in Soojin’s neck. She smelled like perfume Shuhua had gotten her for her last birthday. She wondered if Soojin used it before bed every night.

“Did you want to sleep over?” Soojin probed quietly, one hand absentmindedly stroking Shuhua’s silky hair.

Shuhua nodded and she felt Soojin pull her down until they were lying on the bed. Soojin reached over Shuhua and flicked off the lamp before tugging her thick comforter over the both of them. Here, in the blackness of the night, where Soojin couldn’t read the truth in Shuhua’s face, Shuhua’s feelings didn’t seem so scary.

“Unnie, I—” she gathered her nerve. “I think I love you.”

Soojin’s arms tightened around Shuhua’s waist. But she didn’t say anything.

Shuhua felt her earlier tears sting her eyes. She was about to get up and tell Soojin to forget what she said when Soojin suddenly rotated her body and lifted herself to hover over Shuhua.

“So, about that serious kiss.”

Shuhua was infinitely glad that Soojin couldn’t see her flaming red cheeks in the darkness. 

“Jjin-ah?”

Soojin gave a gasping chuckle and Shuhua suddenly felt her lips at the corner of her mouth. Except this time, Soojin was much closer, and she didn’t just stop at the corner. Shuhua grasped Soojin’s shirt as Soojin slowly started to kiss her way down Shuhua’s neck, finding the exact spot where Shuhua had pointed to earlier. Shuhua made a very inappropriate sound deep in her throat when Soojin lapped at her pulse point, tongue laving at her skin.

But just as suddenly as she started to kiss her, Soojin stopped and rolled back onto her back.

“Good night!” she teased in a voice full of laughter.

Shuhua opened and closed her mouth. Her heart still raced, blood pounding through her head. She didn’t know if she wanted to strip down now or hide in a hole and never tell anyone what happened. Her silence must have worried Soojin who raised herself on one arm and prodded Shuhua’s shoulder.

“Hey, sorry, was that too much?” Soojin’s concerned voice cut through Shuhua’s whirling thoughts.

Shuhua literally found herself at a loss for speech. She cleared her throat, but no words came out. Soojin reached over Shuhua again to turn on the light but Shuhua placed a hand on her arm, stilling her.

“Unnie,” Shuhua managed to get out. “Why?”

Soojin stayed quiet for a moment before lowering herself back onto the bed.

“I thought it was obvious.”

Shuhua could hear the frown in Soojin’s voice, as if Shuhua wasn’t understanding something important. But this wasn’t making sense. Because there’s no way that Soojin could ever reciprocate—no. She shouldn’t even entertain the thought.

But today’s my birthday, a small voice whined inside her head.

If she opened this Pandora’s box, there would be no going back.

“Unnie, do you like me?” Her voice came out a lot shakier than she expected. “Not in a friend way.”

“No.”

This time, her tears actually started falling as the world crumbled around her.

_I’m so stupid._

But then suddenly, Soojin turned over and spooned her. 

“I don’t just like you,” Soojin whispered in Shuhua’s ear, lips brushing against her skin. “I am in love with you.”

And the world became a shining, wonderful, beautiful place again.


	3. MinQi Chocolate Sofa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated birthday to our Yuqi! 
> 
> [Inspired by the infamous chocolate sofa incident at 0:30 onwards](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTHcjSUdaVg)

Yuqi helped Minnie heave the pristine white sofa out of its cardboard packaging and onto the workroom floor.

“There! Now we have all sofas,” Yuqi declared proudly as she dusted off her hands. “We should celebrate!”

Minnie let out a gusty sigh and fell backwards onto her sofa.

“Nah, I’m so tired!” she cried, sprawling out her long limbs. The sofa smelled nice and new and Minnie rubbed her cheek against the smooth leather.

Yuqi eyed her for a moment before a sly grin broke out on her face. She turned around so that her back faced Minnie and then let herself drop.

“Yah! Song Yuqi!” Minnie choked as Yuqi landed on top of her.

“What? I’m tired!” Yuqi giggled as Minnie tried pushing her off.

Minnie gave up and let Yuqi limply lay on top of her.

“I’m being crushed!” she groaned as Yuqi pressed herself to harder into Minnie’s body.

“Are you calling me fat?” came Yuqi’s astounded reply. “I haven’t even eaten dinner yet!”

“Oh god, please don’t do this after you’ve eaten!” Minnie pleaded, trying again to shove Yuqi to the floor. This time she managed to roll Yuqi off of her and Yuqi sprung nimbly to her feet.

“Why don’t you go to your own room? You have a sofa too!” Minnie complained as she sat up and crossed her arms. “Stop bothering me!”

Yuqi pursed her lips together.

“My sofa’s smaller than yours,” she huffed. She pushed Minnie to the side and sat down. “And besides, I helped you bring this sofa up all way the from the ground floor! The least you can do is to give me some reward.”

Minnie leaned against Yuqi’s shoulder and brought her face closer. She fluttered her eyelashes and put on her ‘dreamy’ face which she usually saved for photoshoots.

“Oh yeah? What type of…reward…would you like?” Minnie purred. 

Yuqi gulped, hands clutching at the hem of her shirt. Minnie switched on her ‘chic’ eyes, feeling the power of her gaze blast through her bangs and into Yuqi’s soul. Yuqi’s eyes drifted down to Minnie’s mouth before flicking back up.

“I want to ki—”

“HAHAHAHAHA!” Minnie suddenly knocked into Yuqi and bowled her off the sofa. Yuqi tumbled to the ground and lay spread-eagle on the wooden floor. “Gotcha!”

Yuqi’s lower lip trembled but she didn’t start crying. She slowly picked herself up and patted down her clothes. Minnie rummaged around in her desk drawer and took out a large bar of milk chocolate. She ripped the wrapping off and stuffed a corner of the chocolate into her mouth.

“Mmmm, I’ve been saving this for after our comeback!” she crowed around the mouthful of chocolate.

Yuqi sniffed but Minnie knew she wanted some too. Minnie took her time, breaking off another corner and daintily placing it on her tongue. She sensuously munched, letting the sweet taste suffuse her mouth. Her eyes never left Yuqi’s, even when she slid out her tongue and ran it all over her lips, capturing every last bit of sweetness.

Yuqi finally snapped.

“Unnie! I want to eat it!”

She reached out and snatched the bar from Minnie’s hand in one lightning fast motion.

“Hey!” Minnie shouted, trying to recapture her chocolate. But Yuqi danced out of the way and hopped all over the room, holding the bare chocolate bar in her hand.

“Yuqi, seriously, you’re going to melt it! Look, it’s already all over your fingers! Gross!”

Yuqi looked at her hand. Sure enough, because of her body heat, the outer layer of chocolate had melted, coating Yuqi’s hand with a rich brown glaze.

“Ah, shoot! I didn’t mean for that to happen,” Yuqi stammered. She broke off a large piece but promptly dropped it on Minnie’s couch. “Omo!”

As Yuqi picked up the chocolate, her fingers skated over the sofa, leaving a dark smear on the once immaculate white leather.

“Yah! Are you kidding me?” Minnie screeched, seizing a tissue from the box on her study desk and scrubbing furiously at the smudge. But the more she rubbed, the darker the smear grew. Yuqi also grabbed a tissue and tried to do the same, but her chocolate covered fingers left even more marks on the white sofa.

“Yuqi! Stop! Get me some water!” Minnie ordered.

Yuqi didn’t argue—she probably could hear the seriousness in Minnie’s tone. Minnie listened to Yuqi’s stampeding footsteps as she dashed from the room to the restroom. After a few seconds, she zoomed back in.

“Okay, just a little bit—what no!” Minnie screamed as Yuqi clumsily sloped the entire cup of water over the sofa.

Minnie looked around frantically for something dry—anything—but there were no towels in sight. In sheer desperation, she pulled her white shirt over her head and started mopping up the mess. After a minute’s fierce scouring, most of the water soaked into Minnie’s shirt. She stepped back and surveyed her handiwork.

“There, at least the smudge isn’t too bad now, right Yuqi?”

No response.

Minnie turned around.

“Yuqi?”

But Yuqi wasn’t staring at the sofa. Her eyes were fixed on Minnie’s body and Minnie suddenly became very aware of how naked she was, save for her lacy black bra.

“Er, yes, I can barely see the chocolate!” Yuqi stuttered two octaves higher than her normal pitch. “Thanks for cleaning it up!”

The way Yuqi’s eyes traveled back up her body to meet her gaze made Minnie feel both hot and cold. She hurriedly stuffed her head back into her dripping wet shirt and shoved her arms through the sleeves. Yuqi had her head tilted back now, staring intently at the ceiling.

“Um, what’s for dinner? Are you hungry? I’m starving!” Yuqi continued.

Minnie slowly started advancing toward her, grinning wolfishly. She stopped right in front of Yuqi who still stubbornly refused to look at her. Minnie chuckled and then abruptly placed both of her hands on Yuqi's hips.

“Ah! What are you doing?” Yuqi yelped as Minnie pulled Yuqi flush against her chest.

“I don’t think you’re hungry for dinner, Yuqi-ah,” Minnie throatily whispered in Yuqi’s ear. "Tell me what you're really craving."

She could feel Yuqi stiffen, but she didn’t back away. Minnie dragged her hand up Yuqi’s back, resting it at the nape of Yuqi’s neck.

“Minnie…” Yuqi started to say, but Minnie shook her head.

“Shhh...”

And before Minnie could second guess herself, she brought both of her hands to Yuqi’s face, inhaling the scent of chocolate on Yuqi's lips before pressing her lips to hers.


	4. SooShu ASMR Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Inspired by this at 13:39](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfzm4KxmPyA)
> 
> "Even though she's younger than me, it's so reassuring to have her with me." - Soojin

“Did you really mean it?” Shuhua’s voice breaks through Soojin’s thoughts.

Soojin can almost see the pout on Shuhua’s face, but she doesn’t let herself look up. She gives it a few seconds before replying.

“Mean what?”

“That even though I’m younger than you, it’s reassuring to have me around.”

The Latata-era Soojin would’ve chuckled and left Shuhua hanging. But now Soojin can’t help herself when she glances up at Shuhua’s worried face. The sight of Shuhua’s large dark eyes focused completely on her, mouth parted slightly, makes something stir in Soojin’s chest.

“Oh, you’re talking about what I said on that ASMR show.”

Shuhua nods. A strand of her long black hair falls in front of her face. Soojin reaches out and tucks it behind Shuhua’s ear. But at the contact, Shuhua jumps and steps away from Soojin.

“So, did you mean it?” Shuhua presses earnestly.

Soojin gives Shuhua a petulant glower. 

“Well, yeah, I wasn’t lying.”

A wide grin almost splits Shuhua’s face in two as she plops herself down on the blanket beside Soojin. She reaches for Soojin’s hand and Soojin curls her fingers around Shuhua’s palm.

“Unnie, you’re so hard to get! My type,” Shuhua squeals in Soojin’s ear.

Soojin leans as far away from Shuhua as she can with a disgusted look on her face.

“Ugh, you spit all over my ear!”

But Shuhua simply tugs her back and wraps both of her arms around Soojin’s skinny frame.

“Yah! I know you like it Jjin-ah!”

“What are you guys doing?” Yuqi asks as she walks over them. “Can’t you two do this behind closed doors?”

Soojin rolls her eyes and is about to tell Yuqi what really happens behind closed doors in the dorm when Minnie appears. Yuqi forgets about Soojin and Shuhua, eagerly bouncing up and grabbing Minnie around the waist. They start jabbering away in Mandarin. Shuhua perks up and laughs at something Minnie says. Soojin pokes her cheek and Shuhua turns to translate for her.

“Minnie tried to call Yuqi an idiot but she mixed up the words and called Yuqi a watermelon instead,” Shuhua chortles.

Soojin also laughs as Yuqi holds her arms out from her body and walks around bowlegged, presumably to imitate a watermelon.

“I almost told her what we get up to these days,” she confessed to Shuhua.

Shuhua blushes a deep burgundy red and Soojin thinks how she’s never seen a color so rich.

“Unnie, if we told them that, they’d die!”

“That’s why I didn’t. To keep them safe.”

But Soojin discreetly pulls back the neckline of Shuhua’s shirt and spies the fading bruise right below Shuhua’s collarbone. 

Maybe, someday, she’ll tell them and the world. But for now, she’d like to keep _that_ a secret.


	5. MinQi Not My Trend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Based on the I'm The Trend I-Talk at 12:09:](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oq07gOGw4Ec&t=380s)
> 
> "It was very wonderful for me because it was my first time." - Yuqi
> 
> Was inspired when Yuqi tried to catch Minnie's eye but Minnie didn't look at her.

Yuqi nearly jumps out of her skin when she feels two warm arms wrap themselves around her shoulders.

“Who—oh, it’s you, Minnie,” she gasps, trying to get her pounding heart under control.

Minnie squeezes her tightly before letting go and plunking herself down on the worn recording room couch.

“So, are we gonna write this song or nah?” she asks, twirling her long braid around her finger.

Yuqi nods and turns back to the computer monitor.

“Here, check this out.”

She presses a button and the upbeat backtrack starts playing. Yuqi leans back in her seat, trying to surreptitiously gauge Minnie’s reaction out of the corner of her eye. Minnie’s resting her head against the wall, eyes closed, foot keeping time with the beat. Once the last notes die out, Minnie slowly opens her eyes and gives Yuqi a long look.

“Do you like it?” Yuqi squeaks out. She feels like she’s withering under Minnie’s silent stare. “I thought since summer’s coming up, we could make something fun. I know this isn’t your style, but maybe we could try something new? Or if you don’t like it, I can do something else—I still have that song we tried to write last year—it’ll be easy to change, I just thought maybe this could be good but if it isn’t—”

“Yuqi, will you shut up a minute and let me process it?” Minnie explodes and Yuqi snaps her mouth closed.

Minnie deliberately pinches the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger and rubs as if she has a headache.

“Yuqi-ah,” she begins solemnly. Yuqi prepares for the worst but suddenly, Minnie flashes her a huge smile and jumps up. “I love it!”

“Really?” Yuqi pants. She doesn’t realize she’s been holding her breath and now she luxuriously exhales.

“Really.” There’s no doubt in Minnie’s voice and Yuqi feels like she’s just drunk something invigorating.

“Well,” Yuqi says, businesslike as she pulls the keyboard back toward her. “You want to work on the harmonies then?”

“Yeah, let’s do this. I’ll buy you dinner as a reward.”

“Soju?”

“Obviously.”

\--

Yuqi stifles an enormous yawn behind her hand as she glances at the clock. It reads 03:15. Behind her, Minnie’s passed out on the couch, amidst the scattered soju bottles and boxes of fried chicken. They had worked through the afternoon and now most of the night, but finally the song was finished.

“Ugh, I wish I didn’t promise Soyeon we’d have it ready by tomorrow!” Yuqi groans into her greasy hands. But a small voice in the back of her mind chides her for procrastinating.

Yuqi’s head throbs and she buries her head in her arms. She knows that she’ll wake up with the mother of all hangovers tomorrow. That was the problem when her and Minnie drank. They never knew when to stop. And speaking of Minnie…

Yuqi swivels around in her chair and peeks at her unnie. She’s sound asleep, full lips parted like two rose petals. The sight of her makes something within Yuqi ache.

No one’s around. The recording studio feels completely empty. But with Minnie here, Yuqi isn’t afraid of anything.

She chews the inside of her mouth and feels the warring tensions within her chest.

_Okay, just this once_ , she relents.

Yuqi scoots closer to Minnie’s sleeping form and lets her gaze settle over her, eyes tracing each of her delicate features. Normally with the makeup and dark bangs, Minnie looked intimidating and sexy. Not really Yuqi’s type. But now, with her pale skin and glamor free face, she looks soft. Vulnerable, even. It makes Yuqi want to gather her up in her arms and protect her.

_No, don’t go there_ , Yuqi firmly tells herself when she starts feeling her drunken daydreams getting the better of her. _You'll regret it._

But the less disciplined side of her snarls at this and it’s with relieved guilt that she allows the fantasy to continue.

What if she just sat down next to Minnie? That couldn’t hurt right?

She slowly eases herself out of the chair and sits on the floor next to the couch. Her face is five inches away from Minnie’s, so close that she can feel each gentle breath Minnie sighs.

Yuqi rests her chin on the sofa and simply admires.

_It's just my luck to be the only bi girl in a group of beautiful straight women._

Minnie mumbles something and Yuqi freezes. Thankfully, Minnie doesn’t wake up, instead shifting her head a little so that she’s even closer to Yuqi. She’s so close that all Yuqi would have to do is lean forward _just so_ …but no, she can’t.

Will she remember this tomorrow?

Yuqi can feel herself at the point between being blackout drunk and very tipsy. But while she was loud, sober, she was quiet, drunk. In a way, she had to be thankful for that. Otherwise she’d never have these stolen moments.

Minnie frowns in her sleep and Yuqi instinctively presses her finger against Minnie’s cool forehead, trying to smooth out the lines. That does it. In one fluid moment, Minnie’s eyes flutter open and she comes face to face with Yuqi.

“Yuqi? What are you doing?” Minnie asks in the most dazed ever voice and Yuqi nearly falls over trying to get away.

“N-nothing, er, you had a bug on your face! I was trying to kill it,” Yuqi wildly invents, scrabbling backwards on the hardwood floors until she hits a wall.

Minnie glowers and sits up. Even though her hair is disheveled and her eyes are puffy, Yuqi’s breath still catches in her throat when she sees what she can’t have. The thought makes her feel sick to her stomach and she nearly heaves her dinner up onto the floor.

“Hey, are you okay?” Minnie’s concerned voice filters through the air. Yuqi hears the thud of Minnie’s feet landing on the wood and the quiet padding as she walks over to her. “You don’t look so great—we should go home.”

“No, no, I’m fine—” Yuqi gasps as something other than nausea clenches her stomach. “Go back to sleep.”

“Unlikely.” Minnie brushes a hand across the back of Yuqi’s neck. The goosebumps that prickle her skin have nothing to do with the cold. “Come on, you should lie down then.”

“Unnie, the couch isn’t big enough. It’s fine, I can take the floor.”

But Minnie’s tired of arguing because Yuqi suddenly is airborne in her muscular arms.

“Eek!”

Minnie stomps a little haphazardly back over to the couch, probably because of the three bottles of soju she tossed back earlier. But it’s with the utmost care that she neatly deposits Yuqi on its downy surface. Yuqi rolls onto her side and takes a whiff of the couch. It smells exactly like Minnie’s perfume and something else—maybe a hint of cotton candy?

“Can you make some room?”

“Huh?” Yuqi looks up at Minnie who’s staring at her again.

“I want to sleep too.”

“Oh,” Yuqi tries to stop the blush creeping up the back of her neck. “Yes, sure.”

This must be some special torture god invented because there’s no way Minnie’s suddenly spooning her in a tiny recording studio at nearly four in the morning.

“Good night, then,” Minnie whispers into Yuqi’s ear. Her teeth graze Yuqi’s earlobe and she shivers. “Are you cold?”

“N-no.”

“Okay.”

There’s a very meaningful silence. Yuqi doesn’t know where she gets the courage from—all she knows is she’s somehow turning over to face Minnie who doesn’t pull away.

“U-unnie.”

“Yes?”

Overhead, the motion sensor lights flick off. In that moment of darkness, Yuqi can feel something shift in the air. It’s as if she’s teetering on the brink of a huge cliff, and whether she chose to jump or walk back, she’ll never get this chance again. Somehow, Yuqi knows Minnie feels the tension too.

She waits for Minnie to make a move, anything, but it’s like she’s chiseled out of stone.

_Of course, she won’t do anything, Yuqi, you fool._

How could she even hope for love that will never exist?

She can’t.

And she’d better learn how to control her feelings before she ruined everything.

“Nothing, Minnie.”

The night bleeds into the day and Yuqi doesn’t sleep a wink.


	6. SooShu Time Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not inspired by a clip but rather a post on IG: you're a time traveler and you travel through the different eras to find your soulmate.

A blinding flash erupts in the air and an explosion blasts Soojin straight off her feet. 

“Ahhh!!!!!” she screams as she sails through the air before crashing into a tree. 

She hits her head, hard, before falling to the ground. Right before her eyes close, she makes out a pair of leather boots striding into view. 

\--

“Um, miss? Hello? Are you all right?” a garbled voice filters into Soojin’s ear. 

She blearily blinks and the world appears fractured—no wait, that’s just her broken glasses. Someone heaves a loud sigh and she feels tentative hands gently lift her into a sitting position. Her glasses slide off the bridge of her nose and without them, the world shifts back into one piece, revealing a disheveled girl with very long hair looking at her with concern etched into her face. 

“Ah, thank goodness you’re awake!” the girl nearly cries with relief. She gives Soojin a tentative smile. “Sorry about that—I didn’t expect there to be that much of an aftershock after the jump.” 

Soojin frowns, trying to make sense of the strange girl’s words. The girl must have noticed her confusion because the smile slips off her face.

“Er, I guess, um, well you see, oh wait! You’re bleeding! Here, I have something for that!” 

Now that she mentioned it, Soojin feels a sharp line of fire tracing its way from the middle of her scalp down to her forehead. Even so, a trickle of blood meanders its way down her skin and she can see it pooling on the ground by her hand. The girl reaches behind her and rummages in a pouch slung around her waist. She withdraws a metal device that looks vaguely like a handheld electric thermometer and holds it to the cut on Soojin’s head. 

“Hold still, please,” the girl quietly orders and Soojin obeys. 

The instrument hums and Soojin feels a tingling, cooling sensation run up the cut. 

“There! I don’t think you’re bleeding from anywhere else, but if you are, let me know.” The girl looks down and spies Soojin’s broken glasses lying in a sorry heap. “Ah, let me fix that too.” Like before, she holds the instrument against the glass and presses a button. A blue light jumps out from the mouth and systematically runs over the cracks in the glass. Before Soojin’s eyes, the broken glass knits itself back together, until the entire lens is mended. The girl polishes the glasses on her green baggy T-shirt before carefully sliding them back onto Soojin’s face. 

“How are you feeling?” she asks in a kindly voice. “I’m Shuhua, by the way.”

 _Shuhua, what a pretty name_ , Soojin thinks. She’s briefly distracted by Shuhua’s large, dark eyes and the attractive way they seem to be gazing into the depths of her person. Yet it’s with disciplined willpower that she pushes away _those_ thoughts. Maybe they’re for later. 

“How did you do that?” Soojin demands, her voice a bit hoarse. 

“Eh, what’s that?” the girl bemusedly looks at her. 

“How’d you fix my glasses? And my cut? Where did you come from?” The questions pour from Soojin’s mouth like a waterfall. “Who are you?”

“What do you mean how did I do that? Where’s your REM?” the girl shoots back, alarm starting to show on her face. “Do you have amnesia?”

“No!” Now Soojin pushes herself fully up. “Was that magic?”

The girl gapes open mouthed at Soojin before carefully narrowing her eyes. 

“What’s the date today?”

It’s Soojin’s turn to look confused. 

“Er, October twenty-first?”

The girl impatiently shakes her head. 

“The year?”

“Twenty-twenty.”

At that, the girl jumps up as if she’s been electrocuted and backs away from Soojin. 

“Shit.”

They look at each other and many different possibilities flash through Soojin’s mind. Maybe this strange girl was the one with amnesia? Maybe she lived in a cave and didn’t have access to any sort of outside information? Maybe she was just confusing Soojin so she could rob her—no that wouldn’t make sense. 

The girl’s hopping from one foot to the other now, looking nervous and sweating bullets. Soojin can see her hands shaking, gripping that strange metal thing. 

“Look,” the girl finally stammers, fixing Soojin with an unhappy stare. “I’m really sorry about this, but I’m going to have to wipe your memory.”

“Excuse me?” Soojin wasn’t expecting that—was that even possible? Yet the girl had somehow healed her cut in a matter of seconds and fixed her glasses… “Why?”

The girl rubs her face with one hand, the other slowly bringing up the metal object and pointing it like a gun at Soojin. 

“Cause you now know I’m a time traveler.”


	7. SooShu Time Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh why the hell not.

Soojin takes shallow breaths as Shuhua tightens her grip on the now lethal looking object. 

“Time traveler? What are you talking about?” Soojin gasps, trying anything to get the girl to keep talking and not zap her with some ray of death. 

“Oh, you know,” the girl’s hand is shaking now but she still has the instrument pointed directly at Soojin’s face. “I’m not from this era. I’m from the future.”

“Yeah? Prove it then.”

Shuhua frowns and Soojin watches her hand drop a fraction of an inch. If Soojin could just get a little closer, she could tackle Shuhua. It would be tricky, but maybe she could kick that thing out of her hand with one of her taekwondo moves. Soojin slowly starts shifting her weight onto her front foot, all the while keeping a steely eye on Shuhua’s hand. 

“Why do you want me to prove it?” Shuhua sounds genuinely confused. 

“How do I know you’re telling the truth? For all I know, you could be making this up to rob me or something,” Soojin babbles mindlessly as she inches forward a few more centimeters. “You can wipe my memory but explain this before you do. It won’t matter if I forget it, right?”

“Hm,” and Soojin sees Shuhua relax slightly. Only a little more and Soojin can pounce. “Well, all right, I suppose it can’t hurt.”

And Shuhua finally lowers her hand. 

Soojin launches herself forward and tackles Shuhua around the waist. Shuhua shrieks and crumples into a heap with Soojin on top of her. 

“Give me that!” Soojin screeches as she desperately gropes for the object but Shuhua wriggles out from under her and scrambles to her feet. Soojin lunges for Shuhua’s ankle and grasps it tightly, causing Shuhua to lose her balance and topple over for the second time. The object flies out of Shuhua’s hand and they both watch as it lands a couple feet away. 

“It’s mine!” Shuhua shouts as she kicks free of Soojin’s grip and crawls on all fours toward the instrument. But just as her hand closes around it, Soojin grabs her forearm and forces Shuhua’s arm above her head. They wrestle on the ground and Soojin feels her hand close around the cool metal. 

“Yes!” she crows yanking it from Shuhua’s grasp but as she does, she accidentally pulls the trigger and a blue ray shoots out of the end and blasts Shuhua straight in the face. 

“Ah!!!!” Shuhua screams and her eyes roll wildly in her head.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry!” Soojin drops the object and immediately cradles Shuhua’s head in her lap. “Shuhua, are you okay?” Soojin calls, shaking Shuhua’s shoulders. But Shuhua’s head lolls limply and her body starts twitching. “Shit Shuhua, I’m so sorry, wake up!”

All of a sudden, Shuhua’s body grows rigid and a groan escapes from Shuhua’s lips. Just as suddenly, her body relaxes and she nestles into Soojin’s arms. Soojin looks wildly around for help—was Shuhua having a seizure? It would be just her luck to kill a time traveler.

After a second, Shuhua’s eyes open and she looks at Soojin with unmasked curiosity. Soojin huffs a sigh of relief and unconsciously grips Shuhua a little more tightly. 

“I thought I lost you there,” she says warmly. 

But Shuhua pouts and Soojin thinks she’s never seen someone so adorable. 

“Who are you?”

It takes a second for that to process. But when it does, Soojin’s jaw drops. Soojin gingerly leans over Shuhua and picks up the object. There’s a small panel that’s lit up on the top. It shows all the different modes. And currently, the setting is on “Memory Wipe.”

Uh oh. 

Soojin looks back down at Shuhua who’s trying to sit up now. Her once silky hair is now all frizzy with leaves stuck everywhere. She rubs her eyes and leaves a smear of dirt on her face. Soojin, without thinking, reaches out and gently wipes the smudge off with her sleeve. At the contact, Shuhua gives Soojin a brilliant smile and Soojin almost forgets her name. 

“Er, I’m Soojin, we just met.” 

Shuhua tilts her head to the side and Soojin swears she looks like a bewildered puppy. 

“Who am I?”


	8. SooMin Ask Her Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So.....the vibes between Minnie and Soojin kill me and I'm so happy they're doing this [show at 14:03](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08O2a_g3rKU&t=843s)

Minnie combed through her pink hair for the umpteenth time. It was already silky smooth, but still, she ran the brush from her scalp to the ends as meticulously as ever. Anything to prevent her from staring too long at Seo Soojin, who, by the way, looked absolutely _ravishing_ in her short crop top and matching skirt. They had just finished recording the first part of their new show, _I’m the Trend_ , and the high from filming the coupley dance scenes still made the blood thrum in Minnie’s ears.

Maybe that’s how she found the courage to turn around in her car seat and finally say what she’s rehearsed hundreds of times since her trainee days.

“Soojin?” she squeaks out, voice far removed from the sensual airy tone she used while singing. “Do you want to get dinner with me?”

“Hm?” Soojin briefly glances up from her phone before focusing back on the game she’s playing. “Sure. Text the others. You can pick the place.”

“N-no,” Minnie swallows the butterflies threatening to fly out of her mouth. “Just—just me and you.”

Minnie watches as Soojin’s mouth turns down when she looks up into Minnie’s panicked eyes. Her in-game character dies, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

“O—kay,” Soojin says slowly, drawing out the ‘o.’ “Why don’t you want to invite everyone else?”

_Just lie. Don’t tell her_ , Minnie’s subconscious hisses fiercely in her ear. _Don’t fuck it up_.

But the words escape before she can stop them.

“I was thinking, well, I’d like to take you out.”

Soojin’s eyes never leave Minnie’s. Her eyebrows draw together, as if she’s trying to figure out the real meaning behind Minnie’s words. Minnie doesn’t know if she wants her to get there on her own or for her to break the secret.

“Like,” Soojin pauses for an infinitesimal moment, “on a…date?”

“Yeah.”

God, Minnie fucked up, she knows she fucked up and now her and Soojin’s friendship will never be the same. Why couldn’t she just accept that they’d only be friends, nothing more? Soojin doesn’t swing that way, first of all, she freaking dated Hui. And even if she liked girls, she’d certainly go after Shuhua first. Shuhua, the beautiful visual of the group, who Soojin said had attractive eyes. Minnie looks like a potato next to that Taiwanese goddess.

Soojin’s still observing her with the same odd expression that Minnie can’t decipher, and all Minnie wants to do is crawl under her bed and never come out.

The silence stretches on and Minnie desperately casts her mind around for a way out of this mess. Just as she’s about to open her mouth and tell Soojin that it’s a joke, Soojin speaks.

“Sure.”

Minnie does a double take.

“I—uh what?”

Now Soojin’s slightly smiling at her and it’s a mischievous grin Minnie knows well. The same one Soojin has right before she plants a kiss on Shuhua’s cheek that’s much too close to her mouth. The same one Soojin gives the camera before she roasts Yuqi. The same one she gives Minnie right before reaching down to slap Minnie’s butt.

Those impossibly full red lips, pulling slightly up at the corners. All Minnie’s ever wanted was to feel them against her own.

“I’ll go on a date with you. That means you’ll buy me dinner and a gift, right?”

Minnie opens and closes her mouth like a fish, still not believing her ears.

“Yes—yes I will. Anything you’d like.”

“Great!” Soojin’s teeth flash white in the dim light of the car. “Then let’s do it tonight.”

“Okay,” Minnie has to work hard to modulate her voice. “It’s a date.”

Soojin turns back to her game, clucking her tongue when she realizes her character’s dead. Minnie slightly relaxes into her seat and turns her gaze to the front. She watches their van speed through the highways of Seoul.

Why didn’t she feel satisfied? Soojin agreed, right? She knew it was a date. Yet somehow, Minnie wasn’t sure if Soojin knew what Minnie was trying to get at. One date was fine. It was great. It was one date more than Minnie had ever hoped for. Yet now that she got it, she wanted to know if Soojin would go on a second date. Or a third.

Or just _date_ in general.

That makes Minnie turn around toward Soojin again.

“Um.”

This time, Soojin exits the game and pockets her phone before staring at Minnie.

“Yes?”

Jesus. How can someone be so perfect? Minnie gulps and tries to push down the fear choking her throat. She came this far. She could do this. She had to know.

“I just wanted to know your opinion on dating in general.”

Soojin raises her eyebrows. “Oh? What about dating?” The mischievous gleam is back and it’s all Minnie can do not to let the blush creep up her cheeks as Soojin continues, “I’ve dated before. I think everyone knows that.”

“How would you feel if—if we, you know, we—” but Minnie just can’t get the words out. “How would you feel about us—” Now she must look like an imbecile. Great.

But Soojin doesn’t laugh.

“How would I feel if we dated?” she quietly offers, and Minnie just nods mutely.

She looks contemplative. Nothing like the sneering, revolted face Minnie pictured every time she imagined how this conversation would go.

“I don’t know,” Soojin sighs, running a hand through her bob. Minnie sighs too. “We haven’t before so I can’t tell you if I’d like it or not.”

That wasn’t a no. Minnie didn’t dare hope yet. But something starts fluttering in her chest and her voice unsticks somewhat.

“Would you—would you be open to finding out?”

Nothing prepares Minnie for the sudden shy smile that stretches across Soojin’s face.

It looks like sunshine after a storm, feels like warm fleece on a cold day.

A yes.


	9. MinQi Medieval

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lion was an era.

Yuqi tries to make it a habit to forget each previous day. She’s not always successful, but over the months, she thinks her mind finally starts to get why she should erase the past. It’s enough for her body to remember what it needs to do. She doesn’t need to suffer along with it. 

So, when her shift leader hands her a new assignment and cracks the whip over her head, she holds onto the slip of paper like its a lifeline, and lets her thoughts dissolve. 

“You two,” he points at a pair of gormless lower guards, “take her away.” As the men shuffle forward in their overlarge boots, the shift leader snaps the whip again, so close to one of the guards’ faces that he shies away like a frightened horse. The leader sneers and crosses his arms over his muscular chest. “If you touch one hair on her head, I will personally skin you alive.” 

The guards mumble obediently and together, hoist Yuqi to her feet. She lets them half carry, half drag her out of the pen where the cries of the other girls echo softly through the air. Her friend Soyeon—no, she didn’t have friends. The last thing Yuqi sees before the door to the pen closes is a pair of small hands reaching for her through the iron bars of a cage. 

Three winding staircases and one hallway later, Yuqi finds herself standing in front of a metal door. One of the guards holding onto the manacles around her wrists sticks his hand into his pocket and pulls out a ring of keys. He selects the biggest, most ornate one and inserts it into the startling bare lock. The door creaks open and the other guard prods Yuqi between her shoulder blades. 

“You know the drill.”

Yuqi numbly paces forward until she’s sitting on the bed standing in the middle of the circular room. The chamber is devoid of any other furniture, save for a large wooden chest tucked away to the side. A lone lantern gutters next to the bed. It’s freezing in here. Yuqi can see the white puffs of her breath hanging in the air. The downsides of shacking up in a stone castle during midwinter. Like countless times before, she lifts her arms and the guards wrap the chain hanging from her manacles around one of the bed posts, securing her to the bed with another padlock. 

“Sweet dreams,” the taller of the guards snickers at her as he struts out of the room. He pauses before closing the door. “If there’s anything of you left after the captain’s finished, maybe I’ll get a taste before you go back to the pen.” Yuqi dully watches his bloated pink tongue flick in and out of his mouth as he swings the door shut. It slams with a clap like thunder but Yuqi doesn’t even flinch. It’s working, her strategy. She barely feels anything anymore. Certainly not the cold, although she watches her fingertips turn blue. 

There’s nothing to do but wait. 

And wait. 

And wait. 

Until finally, the sound of a key in the lock breaks the torpor. 

Yuqi tilts her head slightly to the right in an effort to catch a glimpse of her new master. She spies a dark felt boot encasing a slender leg up to the knee, a richly embroidered tunic falling down the thigh. Her gaze travels up and she notices electric blue hair framing a lithe body, black fringe contrasting sharply with the flashing grey eyes underneath. For the first time in a very long time, Yuqi feels surprise. 

Her new master was a woman. And a beautiful one at that.

When their eyes meet, Yuqi’s new master freezes in her tracks. Yuqi tries to empty her face of any remaining emotion. Even though she wouldn’t have to endure the revolting touches of a man, perhaps those of a woman would be just as bad, if not worse. Her master drinks in Yuqi’s sorry appearance. Her nose wrinkles as if she doesn’t like what she sees. Yuqi bristles a little under her stare. She had bathed, indeed was forced to by the pen keeper, in preparation for this tryst. They’d even combed her hair and put her in a new dress. Sure, she was probably unhealthily skinny, but nothing like the skin and bones the rest of the girls were. Being a favorite pet of the colonel’s had its advantages. That is, until he was killed in battle. Then she’d been unceremoniously thrown back into the pen to await a new assignment. 

“I didn’t ask for you.” The woman drops her gaze to the handcuffs chaining Yuqi to the bed. “They know I don’t take pets.”

Despite herself, Yuqi starts to feel the first glimmerings of fear. This can’t happen. She just got out of the pen, if this captain sent her back, there would be no telling when she’d get out again. She can’t go back, she can’t go—

“Hey, hey, calm down, will you?” All of a sudden, her master is standing right in front of her, hands fluttering nervously. They land on Yuqi’s shoulders and she can’t help the hiss that escapes as streaks of fire shoot down her arms. Her master immediately releases her and takes a jerky step back. “Ah, sorry, you probably don’t like being touched.” 

It’s not that. Yuqi’s had so many vicious hands on her that gentle caresses don’t even register anymore. Rather, the lashes she’d gotten last night are swollen after the salt the pen keeper rubbed into them as further punishment. Some of the skin might be broken now. She thinks she can feel the blood dripping gently down her back, continuing down her buttocks and onto the sheets—oh god no, she mustn’t dirty the sheets of an officer!

“Please, my back, your sheets will be bloody—” and Yuqi curses to herself when she violates the cardinal rule of pets and masters, but it’s been a while since she’s had a master and she is forgetful, “I mean, M-Master, your sheets will be bloodied if your pet stays on the bed.”

Her master merely bites her lip, but she doesn’t shove Yuqi to the floor. Yuqi arches her spine in a desperate effort to pool the blood in the hollow of her lower back. She knows she’s going to be sent back, she just knows it. The familiar panic she’s tried so hard to destroy starts to creep up and she feels a crushing weight caving in her chest. 

“That’s all right.” Yuqi’s so disconcerted that the panic recedes for a moment. She looks up at her master and sees her looking down with an unfathomable expression on her face. The grey eyes, previously suspicious and hooded, now almost feel warm. Her master kneels down and tugs a corner of the coverlet back. She points to a rusty stain next to the pillow. “Sometimes I’m too tired to wash up after a raid. It’s just easier to sleep.”

Yuqi wordlessly watches as her master straightens and makes her way to the lone chest lining the wall. In one supple movement, she unclasps the lid and lifts out a crystalline bottle and white cloth. She leaves the chest open and glides back to Yuqi, unstopping the bottle and pouring out a measure of ruby red liquid onto the white cloth. It seeps into the cloth and spreads like a huge bloodstain. 

“May I?” her master gestures to Yuqi’s back. Yuqi obediently turns around. This part she understands, the part when her master would take off her clothes and use her until she wanted to sleep. The cycle repeats until her master tires of her. But hopefully not. Yuqi’s good at what she does, and she’ll be damned if she ends back up in the pen because her master doesn’t want her. 

Yet when her master lifts up the cloth covering her raw back, it’s to press the towel against her wounds. Almost immediately, an unbearable itching sensation crawls throughout her back and she wants to claw her skin off. But the sensation disappears after a moment and suddenly Yuqi feels well. Healed. She nearly reaches up to check herself but stops just in time. 

“Go on, feel it,” her master whispers. “I won’t punish you.”

Somehow, Yuqi trusts her. She laboriously lifts her chained hands and runs them over the smooth skin. Unblemished. Yuqi drops her hands, chains clinking as the metal coils in a heap on the bed. 

“Master, why?” the question slips out unbidden as Yuqi turns to look at her master. 

She only gives Yuqi a small, sad smile before tossing the towel over her shoulder. It lands in the chest. “No one should be hurt like that.” Her fingers reach out and trace the cold chain cutting into Yuqi’s wrists. Like always, the pen keeper cuffed the links too tightly. Even though she tried her best not to move too much, her skin underneath always became chafed and purple. Once upon a time, Yuqi would’ve considered it ugly, but the fact that she still had both of her hands was a miracle. 

“Let me unlock these for you.” 

Before Yuqi can protest (surely this was against the rules, she’s never had these manacles off in the entire time she’s been with the army), her master had already pulled out a skeleton key and twisted it in the lock. The resulting click accompanied by the soft rustle as the chains fell off her wrists sounds painfully loud in the silence. The sudden rush of blood into her hands was almost painful. 

Her master has the same unreadable expression on her face as she stares at the deep welts in Yuqi’s skin. After a moment and some effort, her master says, “let me heal them for you too.” 

But Yuqi shakes her head. “No, Master, the pen keeper will notice, and if he does then…” Yuqi could see her master’s jaw working as she clenches and unclenches her teeth. But she doesn’t mention anything and neither does Yuqi. Instead, her Master grasps the chains and throws them to the floor. They bounce harshly against the stone but don’t break, and Yuqi breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Master, please, I’ll need those when I go back—” but her master holds up a hand and Yuqi immediately snaps her mouth shut. “Please, stop calling me that,” she seems to force out. “My name is Minnie. Say it.”

Yuqi is beyond confused. She’s never met someone like her new master—was this all a ploy? Were the pen keepers watching her even now, trying to get her to slip up so they can whisk her away to the cages again? Yet those grey eyes, soft like the wool Yuqi used to wind around her head in a bitter storm—no, that person never existed. She swallows and gives her master a tentative nod. 

“Minnie.”

“Did you eat yet? Do you need anything?” her mast—Minnie quietly asks as she starts unbuttoning the tunic at her throat. Yuqi shakes her head. She’s already had her rations back at the pen so she’d have the energy to continue through the night if Minnie wished it. Minnie sweeps her tunic off with a flourish and Yuqi sees she’s clad in a grey shift underneath. It’s with surprising tenderness that Minnie drapes the tunic over Yuqi’s bare shoulders. 

“I’m surprised you haven’t frozen to death in that while waiting for me,” Minnie remarks as she climbs into the bed. She busies herself with untucking the coverlet and Yuqi seizes this chance to take a brief whiff of the tunic. Even though it’s coated with dust and grime, the scent of evergreen forests clings to the fabric. This was bad. Yuqi could feel her memories struggling to break free, but it’s with tenacity born out of survival that she clamps them down. She’s no one. She’s never been anyone. This is her home. 

“It’s getting late, I have an early raid tomorrow so let’s sleep. Are you okay if we share the bed?” comes Minnie’s voice. 

“Yes Mast—Minnie.” 

Minnie reaches down and pulls up the lantern. The candle’s almost gone out and Minnie barely has to breathe before the flame dies. The resulting darkness makes the temperature feel like it plunges thirty degrees, but tucked in Minnie’s tunic, Yuqi doesn’t feel the cold at all. Instead, she feels curiosity burning through her, even though she knows she shouldn’t let it. Minnie wanted to sleep, she said she had to get up early. Yuqi should let her sleep. She’s still her master after all. But fear, which usually was Yuqi’s only gag, was absent tonight. 

Yuqi can feel Minnie sliding under the covers but she sits against the wooden headboard of the bed, trying to take up as little space as possible. She’d better ask now, before Minnie actually fell asleep. So, she tries into the darkness, “M—Minnie?” 

She feels Minnie roll around and face her. “Mhm?” 

“What do you—what do you want from me?”

Yuqi can hear Minnie thinking.

“I don’t know.”

“Oh.” Yuqi can’t work with this. She needs to know what Minnie wants, otherwise there was no telling when she’d be sent back. It’s as if Minnie can hear Yuqi’s thoughts because she says, “I’m not sending you back.” 

Some of the tension leaves Yuqi’s body and she relaxes a tiny bit against the hard wood. But she had to make sure. “Why not? I’m not doing anything for you…unless you’re just tired tonight?” Suddenly, Yuqi feels a warm hand grip her wrist above her cuff wounds. Minnie’s dragging her gently down until they’re lying side by side. 

“Hug me,” comes Minnie’s directive. Yuqi hesitates. This was new. She’s never hugged anyone in bed. Fucked, yes, or rather been fucked, but how was she supposed to do what Minnie wanted? 

Once again, Minnie senses Yuqi’s worry because she’s slipping one arm under Yuqi’s body and gently pulling her against Minnie’s chest so that Yuqi’s head rests on Minnie’s shoulder right next to her cheek. Minnie’s arms circle around Yuqi and she securely holds her to her heart. Yuqi’s hands are splayed out on either side of Minnie. Usually, it was forbidden for pets to touch their Masters, as Yuqi discovered the hard way. 

“You can touch me, you know.” Minnie unwraps one arm, takes each of Yuqi’s hands in turn and places them against Minnie’s sides, so that Yuqi’s arms are around Minnie as well. “This is called cuddling.”

Cuddling. Although Yuqi doesn’t mind the cold, she likes the warmth. And now, here in Minnie’s arms, she’s warmer than she’s ever been. It’s as if…as if Minnie saw her as something more than a pet. She breathes in and instantly realizes she’s made a mistake. The clean scent of evergreen is even stronger now and Yuqi desperately tries to eradicate it from her mind. She can’t allow herself to remember. 

She’s no one. 

She’s not a person. 

She’s a pet. 

She’s—oh—the flood comes.

“What’s wrong?” Minnie asks as Yuqi starts shivering uncontrollably. 

Yuqi can’t stop it. It’s like trying to hold back a river after a spring melt with her bare hands, the memories keep drowning her and she can’t breathe, she can’t think. She can dimly feel Minnie hugging her more tightly as she’s going to pieces. 

Yuqi’s the little girl snatched from her northern village years ago and sold into slavery before being bought by the army to become a plaything for its officers. She likes horehound candy, studying mathematics, and running through the woods with her dogs. She has a mother and father, and a childhood friend named Shuhua. She wanted to be an explorer when she grew up. She’s good at dancing and singing, and she’s sung at the village festival every year since she was nine. Boys always lost to her when wrestling, and all the girls at the town school wanted to be her friend. She knows who she is. She’s a person, she’s Song Yuqi, and she needs to make her way back to those forests that border the lands of her people. With Minnie here and the overwhelming scent of home, Yuqi can’t pretend that she’s not someone anymore. 

“Hey, hey, are you all right?” Minnie asks anxiously from beside her as Yuqi quiets down. 

Yuqi sniffs but then nods. She grips Minnie tightly for support and Minnie hugs her back like Yuqi knew she would. 

“You see _me_ ,” Yuqi simply says. 

“Yes, I do.” Minnie replies. And after a beat, she asks the question Yuqi won’t run away from anymore. “Who are you?” 

“I’m Yuqi.”


	10. MinQi Medieval

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isn't Minnie badass? Warning: non-con, violence

Bright winter sunlight streams through the small window across the bed. It’s not warm at all, yet the dazzling whiteness pierces through Yuqi’s eyelids, and it’s with a reluctant groan that she wakes up. Stretching luxuriously, she blinks and looks at the circular ceiling. Something feels wrong. Normally she can hardly fall asleep because her body’s in so much pain. Yet today she feels… _comfortable_? That’s odd. Why did the floor feel so soft?

The truth hits her like a bolt of lightning, and she shoots upright.

“Master! I’m sorry!” Yuqi cries as she frantically vaults from the bed. She falls to the floor in a jumble of limbs and prostrates herself flat on her stomach. “Your pet apologizes for sleeping in your bed!”

Through her eyelashes, she can just see the tips of her master’s boots next to the chest. Yuqi doesn’t dare look up. Now she’s done it. Pets were only allowed on beds when their masters were using them. After, they had to be chained to the pet peg on the floor. Every room had one such iron peg. Yuqi can’t remember how many times the Colonel had hooked her manacles through the peg at an uncomfortable angle and left her there until morning.

_Wait a minute_ , Yuqi thinks with dawning horror, _where are my cuffs?_

Out of the corner of her eye, Yuqi spies her manacles about five feet to her left. She scrambles for them and cuffs them onto her wrists as tightly as she can. Maybe if everyone saw how painful they were, she wouldn’t be punished as badly later. The icy metal sears against the existing welts in her skin but she grits her teeth and ignores the tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

The boots turn toward Yuqi and saunter forward. Yuqi can’t help it. She cringes against the floor, waiting for the harsh words and beating she knows are coming.

“Yuqi, please, get up.” Yuqi feels a warm, strong hand on her back, another on her forearm. With resolute strength, her master gently tugs her to her feet. Yuqi’s still looking at the ground. Only in the dark of night could pets look at their masters. Never in broad daylight. Yuqi committed the sin of looking her pen keeper in the face two days ago—that’s how she earned thirty lashes. Yet now, she feels the tips of two fingers under her chin, insistently lifting her head so that she’s staring into a pair of endlessly deep grey eyes.

“And please, stop with this ‘Master’ business. I’m Minnie.” Brown eyes finally meet grey and Yuqi sees Minnie giving her a lopsided smile. “Relax, you haven’t done anything wrong.”

“R-right. Minnie,” Yuqi exhales shakily. She’s momentarily stunned by how close Minnie is to her. They’re sharing the same breath. Minnie’s breath is sweet, like the wintergreen berries Yuqi used to pick by the river. Yuqi inadvertently takes another deep breath. Minnie’s eyes flick down to Yuqi’s mouth before flicking up again. The motion makes Yuqi’s heart thud loudly in her chest.

“You have…a pretty voice.” Minnie drops her hand and takes a step back. Was it only in Yuqi’s imagination, or did Minnie’s legs wobble for a second? Yuqi takes this moment to look over Minnie in her military uniform. It’s a different outfit than yesterday's. She’s in all black, baggy pants and a baggy shirt hiding her slender frame. Simple and deadly. But despite the danger that clings to her garments, her eyes are sincere, and Yuqi’s unafraid.

“You don’t have to wear the chains. Unless, you feel more comfortable with them on,” Minnie adds, pulling out the same master key she had last night. She motions at them and waits for Yuqi’s response. Yuqi ponders for a moment, but in this circular room, nothing feels threatening. So she raises her hands and allows Minnie to unlock the manacles again. Minnie lets them drop to the floor, distaste evident on her face. “I don’t know how you would even manage to sleep with them on,” she says, kicking them to the side with her foot.

The memory of last night hits Yuqi in a rush.

_“Yuqi, I like that name,” Minnie had whispered, burying her face into Yuqi’s hair. Yuqi nearly jumped out of her skin. She hated her hair. It used to be so nice and silky but in captivity, it had grown lank and bedraggled. She even had a bald spot at the back. When she first noticed it, she cried for a week. But Minnie didn’t seem to care, instead rubbing Yuqi’s tense back until Yuqi relaxed again. “I haven’t met anyone who’s named Yuqi. Are you not from around here?”_

_“No, I’m from the forests up north,” Yuqi had replied. She unconsciously snuggled deeper into Minnie’s arms. Minnie hugged her so, so carefully, as if she was afraid she’d hurt Yuqi. It scared Yuqi how much she enjoyed this. She’d never been held like she was precious. She was used to each touch bringing pain—a hand choking her throat, a slap across her face, fists yanking out her hair. Yuqi couldn’t get enough of this—Minnie said it was called cuddling—she could never get enough of cuddling._

_“How did you get here?” Minnie had asked. Yuqi turned her face slightly so that she was looking up at Minnie. In the darkness, the beam of moonlight streaming through the window turned Minnie’s eyes into liquid silver._

_“I was kidnapped by slavers.” Yuqi’s voice didn’t even waver when the words poured out. It was like she was reading a forgotten chapter from a book that she recently rediscovered. “I stayed with the slavers for a while as they went around looking for more girls like me. Until I turned eighteen.” She didn’t miss the way Minnie’s eyes narrowed into dangerous slits, but Minnie didn’t interrupt. “Once I did, I was worth more because I finally looked older. So that’s when they sold me into the army, and I’ve been a pet ever since.”_

_Minnie’s eyes never left hers and Yuqi felt a little afraid at how serious Minnie looked. “I’m…very sorry that happened to you,” Minnie finally said. She reached up and tucked a wayward strand of Yuqi’s hair behind her ear. “You are very brave.”_

_Yuqi sighed and dropped her gaze. “Thank you, Minnie.” They lapsed into silence for a while. Yuqi started feeling drowsy. How long had it been since she last had an uninterrupted night’s sleep? She can’t remember. Probably before she was kidnapped. Either she was always on her guard against her slavers, or she was wary of other slaves. And even if no one would attack her, the nightmares wouldn’t let her sleep anyways. Yet here in Minnie’s arms, Yuqi felt the safest she’d ever felt. Her eyelids drooped and the last thing she remembered was the feeling of Minnie’s thumb softly stroking the back of her neck._

“Why don’t you wait here while I get us some food from the kitchens? What would you like?” Minnie asks gently, breaking Yuqi out of her reverie.

Yuqi opens and closes her mouth soundlessly. Was that allowed, her eating officer’s fare? Usually the master would send his pet to the pen for rations and a cleaning before the next night. Yuqi internally shuddered when she remembered what feeding the pets was like. All the pets would gather in the center of the pen. The pen keepers would empty buckets of slop and the pets would fight for the gobbets of meat and refuse from the kitchen trash. Yuqi ended up licking the crumbs off of the floor because she was so small and couldn’t fight very well for food. The pen keepers found that hilarious. They made a sign that read ‘pig’ and hung it around Yuqi’s neck when she did that. Sometimes they’d toss acorns to her and she had to snort and crawl around on all fours before they gave her an apple core.

Minnie must have sensed some of those emotions because her mouth twists into a bitter line and her hands ball into fists. But her voice remains calm when she says, “I can just get a little bit of everything for you if you can’t choose.”

Yuqi nods and tries to smooth her face. She didn’t like how Minnie’s mouth looked, downturned. Minnie reaches out a hand and gives Yuqi a hesitant pat on the head. If anyone else did that, Yuqi would feel demeaned. But Minnie didn’t mean it like that, Yuqi’s sure.

“I’ll be right back then. Go back to sleep if you want. I know we slept late and it’s early now.”

Minnie’s gone in a second. Yuqi checks to make sure she won’t come back. She can hear Minnie’s footsteps receding down the hall outside. Now it was just her and this big room with a very comfortable bed. Yuqi wavers for a split second, but then shrugs and makes her way back under the covers. Minnie said it was okay, and Yuqi trusts Minnie. She lets her eyes slide closed.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

The door flies open and the two guards from yesterday are framed in the doorway. Yuqi sits up and looks around with confusion. She sees both of their mouths pop open and watches as their eyes travel from her in the bed to the loose set of chains on the floor. The taller guard snarls and instantly makes a beeline for her.

“What do you think you’re doing! Get off right now!” He grabs Yuqi around the neck and bodily hurls her off the bed. She slams into the hard flagstones and all the breath is knocked out of her. The guard pauses and considers her for a second before smirking and looking toward his partner. “Go distract the Captain. I think I’ll have my fun for a bit.” His obscene grin makes clear what he has in mind.

His partner scowls and shuffles his feet. “No fair! I want some of her too!” But the taller guard stomps over to him and shoves him in the chest. “Are you sure? Remember that time I caught you stealing wine from the kitchens? I graciously forgot that happened, but I am sure I’ll remember to bring it up when we’re reporting for duty next time.” They glare at each other for a moment. The shorter guard utters a snort of frustration, but he obediently exits and slams the door behind him. The lone guard slowly turns around and advances toward Yuqi.

“Well, well, well, I thought was going to get a taste of you in the pens, but this is much nicer, wouldn’t you agree?” he laughs as he starts unbuckling his pants. Yuqi tries to move but her limbs are frozen. She can only watch as he drops his pants and stands there in his underwear. He has really hairy legs. They’re surprisingly spindly given how muscular his upper body looked.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle. I can’t let an officer know I’ve touched their pet.” He reaches down and grasps Yuqi around the waist. Lifting her as if she weighed no more than a sack of rice, he tosses her onto the bed and climbs on top of her. “You know, maybe you’d even enjoy this,” he growls in her ear, “if you just relax.”

It was like her body separated from her mind. It’s a tactic she often used to get through those sleepless nights. Just don’t resist, give them what they want. The quicker she gives in the quicker it would be over. She feels his calloused, grimy hand on her skin, pushing its way up her leg and under the hem of her dress. His other hand reaches down and rummages in his underwear. She can feel that disgusting _thing_ against her thigh. He’s very close now, he’s positioning himself over her, his heavy weight pressing against her chest.

She closes her eyes and tries to shut down her mind.

BANG!

“Ahhhh!”

The pressure’s gone and Yuqi’s eyes snap open. She sees the guard convulsing next to her in a puddle of blood. A knife protrudes from one of his eyes, or rather, eye socket. Yuqi rolls her head over and she sees Minnie dragging in the other guard by his ear, a blazing look on her face.

“Yuqi, are you hurt?” Minnie asks far too evenly for the situation.

It takes a moment for Yuqi to find her voice, but she manages a small, “no.”

Minnie seems to sag with relief before she dumps the guard she’s holding onto the floor. She walks over to the bed and drags the other guard off. He’s howling with pain now and his face is a mess. Minnie reaches down and in one swift motion, pulls the dagger out. A fountain of blood spews into the air, coating Minnie’s face. But she doesn’t seem to care, instead dropping the dagger and crawling over the bed to Yuqi.

Yuqi doesn’t know how or why, all she knows is she’s sobbing into Minnie’s ruined tunic and Minnie’s gently rocking her back and forth.


	11. MinQi Not My Trend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tying up loose ends. Find this moment at 5:20 [here](https://youtu.be/6HnZusiMykM), graciously brought to my attention by korralover.
> 
>   
> 

They almost had her. Minnie sobbed for breath as she threw herself headlong into the grove of pine trees. The boughs swayed ominously overhead, patterning the ground with their eerie shadows. Even though the whistling wind buffeted her ears, it couldn’t mask the stampede of footsteps following in her wake. Minnie risked a peek behind her. They were nearly on her. The foremost man reached out a talon-like hand. She felt it snag on her hair and the man bodily yanked her backwards off her feet. 

“NOOOO!!!!” 

Minnie’s eyes flew open and she burst out of bed. The thick sheets twisted around her body, tangling her arms and legs, but she fought free and tumbled onto the floor. Fumbling against the wall, her fingers found the light switch and she smashed her fist against the smooth panel. The light flicked on and bathed her room in its sharp yellow glow. Her heart pounded fiercely against her chest as she pressed her back flat against her bedroom door. But the black masked men who were chasing her earlier were nowhere to be found. 

Gradually, her heartbeat slowed. 

_You’re fine, you’re safe, it was a nightmare, you’re okay_ , she repeated over and over to herself as she slid down the wall and onto the floor. She carefully let her eyes wander over every dark corner of her room. What if it wasn’t a dream? What if people were waiting to kidnap her even now? She shuddered and shrank against the cold door, wrapping her arms around her knees and trying to make herself as small as possible. Maybe if she disappeared, no one could hurt her. 

They were getting worse, the dreams. When she first came to Korea and it was just her and Soyeon, they happened occasionally. Sometimes after a long day of practice, she’d fall asleep, only to wake up in a cold sweat and to the afterimages of people chasing her. They were always the same. She’d be in the middle of a crowd in some foreign place, a mall, a playground, a school. One by one, the people in the crowd would turn to look at her. She’d see their frowns, the moment of recognition once they realized who she was. And then they’d start to close in. She used to let them just smother her until she couldn’t breathe anymore. She knew she had to wake up eventually. 

_What’s the point of fighting_ , she had thought. _You can’t win_. 

Until one day, a brazen trainee from Beijing hurtled through her life like a hurricane. 

The first night the new girl spent at the dorm, Minnie had her worst dream yet. She woke up screaming bloody murder. At the time, Soyeon was filming something for her solo debut, so she wasn’t home. The company didn’t put another bunk bed in their bedroom yet, so Minnie knew the new Chinese trainee was sleeping on the pullout bed in the living room. Minnie bit down on her pillow to muffle her screams, hoping that she wouldn’t wake the new trainee. She knew they needed all the rest they could get. 

Therefore, the loud rap on her door was wholly unexpected. 

“Hello?” 

Minnie unblocked her mouth and sat up, narrowly avoiding banging her head on the wooden slats above. She moistened her lips with her tongue before calling out a soft, “come in.”

The door banged open and Minnie heard the girl mumble something low in Mandarin. It sounded like a curse. She swaggered in. It was almost comical, her in a large shirt that fell to her knees. Yet on her feet were two gigantic Corgi slippers. Despite herself, Minnie giggled. The girl saw her take in her shoes, and she lifted one foot and wagged it in Minnie’s face. Minnie guffawed and the girl grinned at her before cheekily plopping herself down next to Minnie. 

“English?” the girl asked. 

“Yeah, a little,” Minnie replied. “What’s your name again?”

“I am Yuqi. Nice to meet you, Minnie! I am from China! Beijing is the capital of China!”  
Yuqi sounded like she learned her English from a practice book and simply memorized the lines. But Minnie wasn’t complaining. Korean was still new to her and it was nice speaking in a language she had a greater degree of command over. 

“You speak good English. I speak some Mandarin too,” retorted Minnie, cockily slipping into Yuqi’s mother tongue. 

The look on Yuqi’s face was worth a thousand words. Her mouth dropped and she gaped at Minnie for a second before excitedly shouting, “you speak Mandarin? That’s wonderful! Where did you learn? Are you Chinese? Where are you from? Do you know any good restaurants around here—” 

“Wait! Wait! My Mandarin isn’t that good!” Minnie fought against the onslaught of questions. Yuqi obediently shut her mouth and Minnie gave her an appreciative smile. “Do you speak any Korean?” she followed up as she unconsciously leaned a little closer to Yuqi. Even from a distance, Minnie could feel the warmth Yuqi exuded. It was like Yuqi was wrapped in a bright yellow aura, and all Minnie wanted to do was to get closer to her. 

Yuqi shook her head sadly at Minnie’s question, not seeming to notice how close Minnie had gotten. “I only know ‘hello.’” Suddenly, her face brightened and for a second, Minnie thought the sun came out. She blinked rapidly as Yuqi eagerly faced her, entirely oblivious to Minnie’s thudding heart. “Oh! And I know how to say,” Yuqi cleared her throat with a hacking cough, “‘where is the restroom?’” 

Minnie couldn’t help it. She let out a chortle which turned into a full bellied laugh. “I’m sorry!” Minnie gasped between snorts, “but your accent—sorry what did you say?” Yuqi grimaced at her but it just made her look more adorable. Minnie really had to resist the urge to gather Yuqi up in her arms and squeeze her into oblivion. 

After a few seconds, Yuqi also started laughing. She wiped her eyes and chuckled, “okay, I thought I learned it from a drama, but I probably learned it wrong. How do you say it?”

Minnie pulled her phone out from under her pillow and opened the translator app. Finally she was the one teaching someone else Korean! And a pretty girl at that. Yuqi bent over the screen, and that was how they stayed up until dawn, trading phrases in English, Mandarin, Korean, and Thai. It was wonderful, actually. Minnie felt the night terror gradually slipping away. Something about Yuqi, maybe the way how her eyes smiled first or her naturally effusive demeanor, set Minnie completely at ease. 

When the sun rose and illuminated Minnie’s room with its rosy pink glow, Yuqi stretched and yawned. She turned to look out the window and gave Minnie a sheepish smile. “Ah, sorry, I kept you up all night!” 

But Minnie shook her head. “It’s okay, this was—it was really fun.” She meant it.

Yuqi just gave her a happy nod. She hauled her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. Still looking at the sun, she said, “it’s just been such a day and you…” but she didn’t finish the sentence. Minnie tilted her head quizzically to the side and Yuqi cleared her throat. What was that expression? Almost as if Yuqi was embarrassed? It seemed like Yuqi would never get embarrassed. But just as Minnie was about to apologize—for what, she didn’t know—Yuqi shushed her. 

“You’re right. This was very nice.” Yuqi angled her head and looked Minnie straight in the face. Her eyes curved into two beautiful crescents, and Minnie couldn’t decide if Yuqi’s eyes or the half moon was prettier. “Thank you. For making me feel at home.”

Minnie gulped. But she managed to say, “you’re welcome.” 

The next night, Minnie still dreamt. But instead of desperately trying to wake up, she found herself wishing she could go back to sleep, just so she could admire those moon eyes for a little while longer. 

Now, as Minnie huddled against the door in the empty dorm, she stifled a sob. Soyeon was off filming something in the States with Miyeon. Shuhua and Soojin snuck off for a three-day trip to Jeju Island. They told Minnie to feed Haku and Mata—Soojin made a detailed list of when she should walk and feed them, as well as a list of recipes for Minnie to try if she didn’t want to order takeout. 

But most importantly, Yuqi left that morning to film her survival show. Minnie still remembered the vlog Yuqi had filmed. Minnie’s hand made a cameo appearance, ruffling Yuqi’s hair. It was something Minnie did often. Almost like a ritual every time Yuqi left for somewhere. They joked it would protect Yuqi from harm, but really, Minnie wanted to remember the silky feeling of Yuqi’s hair against her skin.

Now the dorm was way too quiet. Why did they live in such a big, empty place? 

No wonder her dreams had returned in full force. 

Minnie lifted the corner of her curtain. The moon was still up. It wasn’t full tonight, just a sliver of its usual circle. But still, it was comforting to look at. She would always try to find it after a nightmare. It reminded her of a certain Chinese girl’s eyes, how they held her every time she woke. 

Speaking of Yuqi…Minnie had read somewhere that nightmares were the product of unfinished emotional processing. That if you were going through something very trying and didn’t have time to think things through, your brain would compile them into dreams. That hypothesis certainly made sense considering Minnie was trying to figure out how in the freaking _hell_ she was going to tell Yuqi that she was in love with her. 

She thought her time had come that night in the recording studio, when she and Yuqi were writing _I’m the Trend_. She had felt Yuqi inching closer to her while she pretended to be asleep. It took all her willpower not to just pull Yuqi in by the back of her neck and kiss the heck out of her. She thought—she thought she read Yuqi correctly. But why hadn’t Yuqi done anything? Minnie even shifted closer to Yuqi but all Yuqi did was poke her forehead. Even when Yuqi rolled over and they had been an _inch_ apart, she still didn’t do anything. 

Maybe, Minnie was wrong. 

If she was, she didn’t want to know. Either way, this wasn’t something that would be solved tonight. Minnie checked the clock—she had to get up in an hour anyway for her schedule. The downside of being a girl idol, hair and makeup started at four in the morning. At any rate, there was no use going back to sleep. But, as Minnie readied herself to get up and change, she thought she heard something out in the hallway. 

It was the distinctive sound of the front door unlocking. 

_Holy shit, people are actually trying to break in_ , Minnie thought frantically as she crawled away from her door. She heard heavy footsteps in the hallway heading toward her room. Shit, where should she hide? Under the bed? No, that would be too obvious. In her closet? Yes, that could work—except out of the corner of her eye, she saw her doorknob turning. 

Minnie grabbed the first thing she laid her hands on—it was one of her heels from some event—and heaved it at the shaggy head that poked itself into her room. The heel missed but the intruder let out a high-pitched screech Minnie would recognize anywhere. 

“Yah! Kim Minnie! Are you trying to kill me?” Yuqi bellowed as she angrily glared at Minnie from behind the door. 

It took a few seconds, but Minnie’s brain unscrambled, and she hurriedly picked herself up. 

“What are you doing here Yuqi?” she exclaimed as she launched herself into Yuqi’s arms. Oh, how was she this lucky? Yuqi was here, in the flesh, in Minnie’s embrace. She buried her face in Yuqi’s hair and simply _breathed_. “Aren’t you filming your show?”

“Aren’t you going to say sorry first? This is my money maker! If you destroy it then I’m taking you to court!” Yuqi responded huffily, but she still possessively hugged Minnie back. 

Minnie chuckled, the laugh growing until she had to hang onto Yuqi to stay upright. Yuqi glowered at her for a moment more before also barking out a laugh. They started to shriek with hilarity before falling onto the floor in a heap. 

“Your face! I wish you could’ve seen your face!” Minnie choked and Yuqi slapped her shoulder. “Ah I should’ve taken a picture!”

“Yeah, well, I think you’d look the same if someone threw a high heel at you! Seriously, it’s stuck in the wall!” Yuqi pointed. Sure enough, the stiletto had pierced through the drywall like a dagger. Minnie gulped and looked back at Yuqi who nodded sagely before saying, “that’s okay. I forgive you. You probably thought I was a creep.” She reached for Minnie’s hand and intertwined their fingers. 

Minnie chose to ignore Yuqi’s comment, focusing on the feeling of Yuqi’s warm hand grasping hers. “Well, what are you doing home?” Not that Minnie was complaining. She could sit for forever here on this hard wooden floor with her Yuqi. 

The same sheepish look Yuqi had the first night was back, and Yuqi brought her free hand up to rub the nape of her neck. “Well,” she paused and stared at the wall behind Minnie’s head. “I guess…I guess I just missed being home?” 

Minnie wrinkled her nose. “What about the show though?” 

“I’m actually leaving again in,” Yuqi glanced at the clock, “four hours.” 

Minnie felt her heart drop. But she put on a brave face. “Oh okay.” Her voice didn’t even waver. Seriously, she deserved her acting contract. “So, you came home just for four hours? It’s almost morning, and no one’s here.” Yuqi held Minnie a little more tightly before mumbling something into Minnie’s shoulder. Minnie frowned. “Sorry, what did you say?”

She felt Yuqi sigh and then straighten up. 

“I said, you’re here.” 

Her words were so soft Minnie had to strain her ears to catch them. But when she did, Minnie’s eyes widened, and something perilously close to hope blossomed in her stomach. 

“You came back…just for me?”

This time, Yuqi raised her head and met Minnie’s gaze head-on. 

“Yes.” 

There was no fear, no hesitation in those words. Just a simple admission. Minnie felt her hands shake and she gripped Yuqi even more intensely. Yuqi raised an eyebrow but didn’t object. Instead, she said, “you should come back with me to the shooting site, if you’re not busy.” 

Already, Minnie was clearing her schedule for the next week. But that didn’t make sense. Why did Yuqi want her to go? Did Yuqi really come home just for her? What other explanation was there that didn’t involve Yuqi having the same level of feelings for Minnie that Minnie had for her? Minnie couldn’t stop herself. She had to ask, “I—Yuqi, are you saying—” 

“Yes.” Yuqi cut her off and looked at Minnie expectantly, large doe-like eyes wide open and full of an emotion Minnie recognized, but couldn’t admit yet. Yuqi continued on in one breath, “I know you weren’t awake that night in the studio, but I wanted you to know that I—” 

“I was awake!” It was Minnie’s turn to cut her off because _holy shit_ , Yuqi was basically making all of Minnie’s wishes come true, and Yuqi looked both mortified and excited. “I was, and I knew—I thought I knew what you were doing, but you didn’t do anything. I wanted you too though! But I was scared, Yuqi, I was scared you wouldn’t want me like that—” 

“What?” Now Yuqi almost looked angry. She reached out and cupped Minnie’s face, pulling her in until space almost ceased to exist and her eyes glowed like diamonds. “I always want you,” Yuqi growled, sending goosebumps up and down Minnie’s bare arms. “I have always wanted you. I will always want you.” 

They held their positions for a moment longer, waiting for the other to say something. But, as Minnie later realized, there was nothing to more to say. They both knew it, deep down, it just took this moment for them to put it out in the open. There wasn’t any more room for words. It was just them and their feelings. So, it made sense that they leaned in at the same time, finding each other’s lips and kissing until they had forgotten it had taken them four whole fucking years to get to this point. 

Kissing Yuqi was like drinking from a fresh mountain spring after a long hike--it was so fucking _good_.

Maybe later, she'll feel angry that it took them this long. 

But for now, Minnie knows the nightmares are gone.


	12. SooShu Eyes Full of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV: Soojin and Shuhua figure out they like each other, but Shuhua thinks it's better if they only stay friends. Soojin wants to let Shuhua know the depth of her feelings before she locks them away forever. Inspired by this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmycEKdD0b0) and a girl.
> 
>   
> 

Dear Shuhua,

You already know most of the stuff I’m about to tell you, which is a testament to our good communication. But, I remember you saying you wished our “honest conversation” last week was recorded so you can play it back. Therefore, I think this letter will still fulfill a purpose, a collection of my thoughts in this point in time, perhaps the most pivotal point in my life thus far.

How do you tell someone how much they mean to you without scaring them away? That’s a question I always had on my mind whenever I liked one of my friends in the past—I started telling my friends about my feelings because I figured what’s the worst that can happen? I’ll just get rejected but I’ll live, right? At least I was courageous. At least I didn’t have to go to bed wondering, _what could have been_.

Liking people in the past felt both good and bad. Good because it’s a nice feeling, liking someone. Bad because I would feel jealous or possessive whenever they started telling me about people they liked. It got depressing after a while. I know everyone experiences heartbreak, but I resigned myself to rejection for the rest of my life.

That’s probably why I went so hard after Hui. Hui was someone who looked utterly perfect on paper—great singer and writer, fit, handsome, a well-respected idol. He also didn’t like me at first which created the perfect maelstrom of attraction for me. How do you make someone covet something? Make it unattainable. That’s what Hui was and even though I saw all the red flags, I ignored them. When I think back to the year and a half of hate, anger, and sadness, I remind myself that I will never have so little respect for my own well-being again.

You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Jjin-ah, why you always gotta bring up these other boys???? Can’t you talk about me already????” Well, I do this so you can see the stark contrast between you and these men.

Shuhua, for the longest time, you were always Yuqi’s little foster sister to me. We had a sort of sibling relationship, but I want you to know that now, to me, you’re Shuhua.

You’re Shuhua, someone who wakes me up every morning by jumping into my bed and cuddling me. You’re Shuhua who started cooking and only make my favorite stir fried pork for me. You’re Shuhua who will yell at the anti-fans and tell them to fuck off whenever they say something about me. You are willing to take a call from a friend at any time, even though you’re super busy. You would spend more than ten times your salary on a present for someone else. You take the time to recognize the behind-the-scenes staff for their hard work in making us magical onstage. I can go on and on about your good qualities, but the bottom line is this: you are a wonderful person who always strives to do better, and I can’t tell you how much I admire that. More importantly, you value your friends above yourself, and all of us are in a healthier place because of your love.

Shuhua, when I see you, it’s like the spring sun comes out from behind the winter clouds. I feel warm and this deep sense of contentment settles over me. When I turn on the phone camera while we call, and you tilt your head to the side and give me that special smile which only you have, I lose my train of thought. I can only sit there and stare, really just take my time to _appreciate_ , the tender happiness you somehow make me feel through a screen.

You’re undoubtedly the person I’ve had the most fun with in my life, hands down. I never thought I’d find someone who could match my sense of slightly immature, crass, sarcastic, witty humor, but you do. I don’t think anyone has made me laugh as much as you have. Usually, I even have trouble smiling in front of others, but with you, every laugh is real.

I’ve never had anyone take an interest in me like you have. I think that’s because most of the time, people are very self-absorbed. Also, people usually have led easier lives than I have and therefore haven’t gone through character building stuff. You’re different. You’ve clearly had experiences that were very traumatic, but they’ve all shaped you into someone who is inherently curious about others and takes the time to understand people. What’s even more amazing though, is that you seem to like what I have to say about myself. No matter how real I am, no matter how ugly the things I say are, you seem to like it all. It’s like I know that you’ll accept me no matter what. This comes back to the idea of being “good enough.” I’ve never been good enough for anyone, yet somehow, being myself is good enough for you.

I don’t have the experience of people looking at me with love or affection. That’s why I had to ask you the first time why you were looking at me in a certain way. The feeling was so new yet, somehow, familiar? It was frustrating not being able to put a finger on it, and even more frustrating when you were giving me all of these lovely adjectives—overwhelming joy and happiness, deep affection—and still not being able to capture the look in words. But then as I reflected on how that look made me feel, I realized you were expressing what I felt when I looked at you. I won’t ever forget how you looked at me then, and how you look at me now. I hope that you’ll continue to look at me that way for a while. Then I’ll be able to memorize every detail of your face, how your eyes are filled with love, how your lips whisper my name like a prayer. And if we don’t have this between us anymore, I can always think back and remember these moments fondly.

It seems almost cruel that we got, what, a week of happiness? Not even, since you told me you liked me back but that we couldn’t be more than friends in the same sentence. That’s okay though. That’s just life, and I respect your decision 100%. Not to say it doesn’t suck, but at least we both know that we could have each other if we didn’t care about bigger things.

We’ll grow old together, maybe not in the normal sense, but in an important one regardless. I’ve got you, you’ve got me. It isn’t anything more complicated than that. Let’s do what makes us happy. Let us live how we want, without judgment from others. Let us live bravely, fully, ready to appreciate every moment we have together. If we live this way, we won’t feel like we’re losing anything. We’ll only live to gain. Let us not hold back how we feel. I want to experience everything our relationship could give us because that will be an emotional high. Never have I felt this type of attraction before, where my feelings for you overwhelm the feeling of needing you for myself. I think this is the purest form of love, where I truly, truly only care about your happiness and want you to achieve everything you want and need. If there will be sadness, then it will be because we were so happy that anything in comparison will be sad, which means our time together would have been worth it.

I know I’ve already asked for many favors. But I have one more. I was wondering, could we hold hands from here on out, not in public? I want to feel connected to you. There aren’t expectations, just adoration from my end. I know we both like each other, but I think the feelings we feel are so much more than basic attraction that holding hands wouldn’t be something worldly, if that makes any sense. It would be another layer of experience, a form of companionship that reflects the mutual comfort and bond between us. And as you know, it’s all right if you don’t want to. At the end of the day, all I want is for you to feel fulfilled and happy. I want to return to you everything you have given to me.

I’ve been listening to [Mumford & Sons Baaba Maal There will be Time ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmycEKdD0b0) while writing this letter. My two favorite parts are:

_In the cold light, I live to love and adore you  
It's all that I am, it's all that I have  
In the cold light, I live, I only live for you  
It's all that I am, it's all that I have_

I want someone to feel this way about you. For now, it’s going to be me.

_There is a time, a time to cry  
A time to love, a time to live  
There is a time, a time to sing  
A time to love_

This is our time. With whatever the future holds, we’ll be okay. So, let us live now.

With unending warmth, happiness, and love,

Your Soojin

<3


	13. SooShu Eyes Full of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shuhua's POV. Written by someone mature, deep, and wise. 

Dear Soojin, 

My beautiful and sweet Jin-Jin. When you had asked me to start calling you Soojin, I had agreed— simply because you asked me to, and I would honestly call you anything you wanted. But I hold so much attachment and affection for the name Jin-Jin, that just saying your name or greeting you with “JIN-JIN-AHHHHH!” over text brings me so much joy. As I reflect on the past few weeks, our 5+ year relationship, and the cumulative impact you’ve made on me, I will attempt to unpack the deep meaning and emotions that you and your name stir up within me. 

You’ve always been there for me, ever since the first day I walked into Cube. I know you said that you didn’t have any real friends as a trainee, but even then, you gave so much of yourself to others. I fondly remember you back then and now as someone who was extremely supportive, kind, and empathetic. A natural cheerleader. Someone who’s a good listener. Someone who gave me confidence and encouragement when I confided in you about my insecurities of not getting into a girl group and my lack of talent. Honestly, there were moments when I wondered what I gave you in return, if anything. You were almost always the one asking me questions about how I was doing, what was new in my life, gassing me up about my singing skills, and making grand, luxurious travel plans with me. 

The fact that we’ve only grown closer throughout the years is a testament to our relationship, and the rarity of it. Our relationship is so rare in many, many ways. Actually, perhaps more accurately, you are rare.

Jin-Jin, you are an enigma. You are incredibly selfless and generous. You think of ways to spend your hard-earned salary on your friends, rather than on yourself. I admire your philosophy and approach to life—to live bravely and fully. I’ve never seen anyone directly face their fears like you have, whether it’s getting up every month and dancing in front of all our teachers, confessing your feelings to a girl you like, or embracing any hurt that accompanies happiness. Although you know (probably more than anyone) how much I deeply loathe myself, you still relentlessly tell me I’m beautiful. And for some reason, when you say it, there are times when I believe you. The more things I learn about you, the more I like you. You share with me the flaws you see in yourself, the things you view as inadequate, and the things you wish you could change about yourself. But I genuinely wouldn’t change a single thing.

Jin-ah, I truly like every single part of you. Your hair, whether it’s short or long. Your beautiful face. Your soothing voice. Your rosy lips. Your legs. Your hands. Your sense of humor that matches mine. Your gentle and soft nature. The way you smile at me and the way you look at me like I’m the only thing that exists in that moment.

I want you to know that I don’t regret anything. I don’t regret the two months we’ve had together, all the memories we’ve made, and that night we kissed. I wouldn’t change a single moment, text, or FaceTime call, and I’m so incredibly grateful, blessed, and honored to have shared all of that with you. Thank you for being vulnerable with me, for inspiring me to live more selflessly, and for letting me into your inner world. 

People often hold back pieces and parts of themselves from others, because they’re afraid— afraid of not being fully accepted, afraid of feeling judged, afraid of showing the imperfect and dark sides. This of course, describes me too. However, not when I’m with you. I love how easy it is to speak openly and honestly with you, about literally anything. I’ve only been able to share so much of myself and my life with you because you make me feel supported, secure, and accepted. You’re naturally so encouraging, generous, and uplifting. I’m often simultaneously surprised and touched at how thoughtful you are, and how much you remember about me. As you know, my life has been filled with really challenging seasons. I haven’t had much opportunity to openly process or even share in the pain of those seasons with others, including my closest friends. I’m often afraid of burdening people with heavy topics or making people feel uncomfortable; worst case scenario is when people respond in invalidating or hurtful ways. But these qualifiers don’t apply to you; you truly have a gift with your words Jin-ah, and the way you comfort me (and others)—whether it’s through asking thoughtful follow up questions about things I say in passing, openly embracing difficult topics, continuing to shower me with compliments in spite of my disbelief that I could be seen as anything more than my insecurities, and very often putting my needs above your own. These are just a few examples of the many reasons why you’re an exceptional friend, and someone whom I trust above everyone else. 

For these reasons, and because of how much I love and care about you, it really hurts me whenever you bring up Hui, or your ex-boyfriends; not because they’re your ex-bf’s and I like you, but because it’s almost always to share ways that they’ve hurt you in the past. And the thought of their words affecting your self-view, how you feel towards yourself, or your insecurities, genuinely hurts me. If I could describe it in the simplest terms, it would be that any kind of hurt or pain you disclose to me, I share it with you, as much as I can. It’s upsetting to know how deeply they’ve hurt you with their words and their actions, and if I could, I’d take all of the hurt away. 

I think of you often; in fact, all the time. 

When I listen to love songs, I think of you. 

When I wake up, I think of you. 

When I drift off into sleep, I think of you. 

When I’m in class, I think of you. 

When I dance, I think of you. 

When I’m sad, I think of you. 

When I’m happy, I think of you. 

I would dress up for you any day. 

You are my first, for many things. 

Whenever my thoughts wander, they land wherever you are. 

When I think of you, I feel excitement, bliss, joy, tender affection, attachment, protectiveness, and, most of all, love. 

I like the feeling of liking you. I like talking to you until 4am, and the feeling of wanting to talk to you for eternity. I like making you laugh, because it makes me happy to see you happy. I like that you monopolize my thoughts. I like that you inspire me to live more fearlessly and bravely. The idea of you achieving all of your goals and dreams in life gives me so much happiness. How I feel towards you is so new, so sweet, and unlike how I’ve felt towards anyone else. You are the first person I’ve shared so much of myself with. 

We’ve both been through a lot in our short lifetimes. Both of us can attest to the fact that seasons of extreme sadness complement seasons of extreme happiness; as you once said, you can only be as happy as you are sad. While we’ve certainly experienced moments of sadness together, they only stand to further highlight and contrast the limitless joy we’ve shared, and the joy-filled memories we will continue to make. I said this before, and I still mean it: I’m not going anywhere. I will always, always love you, support you, encourage you, feel happy when you’re happy, and feel sad when you’re sad. 

I look forward to our future together in Seoul, or wherever else in the world. I look forward to bringing you food after your performances and when you’re swamped with work, distracting you by making you laugh while taking care of you, and reminding you how wonderful you are. Whatever shape or form our feelings evolve into, I’m hopeful and confident that we’ll always hold the utmost love for each other—the kind that bears, believes, hopes, and endures all things.

With all my love, 

Shuhua


	14. SooShu Always There

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A reimagining of SooShu in a LDR (maybe if Shuhua was filming in Taiwan while Soojin was in Korea)
> 
>   
> 

The messages popped up on Shuhua’s screen without warning.

**Baby 20:52:** _Shuhua, are you okay if we don’t meet tonight?_

 **Baby 20:53:** _I want to journal and do other things before bed ~_

Pale grey speech bubbles. For all their innocence, they couldn’t exactly mask the twinge of hurt that flashed through Shuhua’s chest. But nevertheless, her fingers tapped out an immediate response.

**Shuhua 20:53:** _Yaaaaa_

 **Shuhua 20:53:** _Np np_

There wasn’t a quick reply, not even the telltale ellipses that were so adept at bringing on a rush of adrenaline. Shuhua quickly exited the texting app and shut her laptop. How long had it been since her and Soojin finally decided that there most definitely was _something_ between them? She swiveled around in her chair and thumbed through the calendar sitting on her desk.

Almost twelve weeks.

Three months.

Three months of being between friends and lovers.

At first, it was so exciting. Shuhua leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes. Those initial nights of talking until the sun rose, texting each other how much they liked one another, sending all sorts of romantic emojis. Sure, they had been friends for half a decade, but still. Talking to someone you liked was different.

_“I love you Shuhua! I wish I could kiss you right now!”_

_“I love you too Jin-ah! If I had a choice, I’d never let you go!”_

Shuhua hadn’t expected the pain that would follow.

When Soojin told Shuhua that they could only be friends. They were idols, Soojin was religious. Anything more than friends would be unsustainable in the long run. The hurt that crushed Shuhua’s chest back then was almost unbearable. It was the kind of hurt that made Shuhua physically unable to breathe, the pinpoint stab wounds in her heart.

It was the kind of pain that made Shuhua finally understand the word “heartache.”

Soojin had pleaded with Shuhua to see her side.

_“I just think if we dated, someone will get hurt! And I never, ever want to hurt you, Shuhua!”_

Shuhua thought that was stupid.

_“But Jin-ah, what are we supposed to do? Do you think if we stopped talking now, we wouldn’t be hurt? Why are you being so preventative when we should be reactionary?”_

At least that logic broke through Soojin’s ironclad “no.” So they had snuck around, sometimes vowing not to take things beyond hugging, sometimes failing that promise by memorizing the curves of each other’s bodies in the dark of night.

Yet, Shuhua knew that every time she lifted Soojin’s shirt, the next day, Soojin would give her the “talk.”

_“I really think we should stop seeing each other, Shuhua. We obviously can’t stop trying to be more than friends. And if we keep doing this, we’ll just grow our feelings and things will spiral out of control.”_

At first, Shuhua had fought tooth and nail to convince Soojin otherwise. And for a time, Soojin would believe Shuhua and things would go back to normal. But Soojin would bring it up again, and Shuhua would have to assuage Soojin’s doubts and endure her insecurities in silence. After the third such conversation, Shuhua gave up trying to convince Soojin. It was too tiring, and she had reached her limit.

_“Okay Jin-ah. Whatever you want to do, I’ll do it.”_

Empty promises. As if Shuhua could stop the speeding train that was her feelings. As if she could prevent Soojin from popping up in her mind every other minute in her day. But she had been the clingy, overly invested, overly insecure girlfriend before. And she vowed never to be that person again.

So they talked, albeit over the screen. That was still something at least. And boy, did they talk. They talked every single day, sometimes staying online for the entire day with each other. As they both got busier with work, they transitioned to texting during the day and talking at night. But they still woke each other up in the morning with a video call, and still wished each other “good night” the same way.

As the nights wore on though, Shuhua started feeling anxious. Was she making Soojin laugh enough? Was she interesting enough? Was she fun enough? Sometimes, it felt like Shuhua was putting on a performance, scrambling to make sure she was entertaining enough to keep Soojin coming back for more. When would Soojin get tired of her?

So, Shuhua asked, in her simple, direct way.

_“Jin-ah, do you feel like we’re talking too much?”_

Soojin had started a little at the question, but then her expression switched to something more thoughtful.

_“Actually, I hadn’t been thinking about that at all, so no, I don’t think so. I love talking to you. I feel like—I feel like the nights aren’t long enough to say everything I want to you.”_

That was the affirmation Shuhua had needed all along. And when Soojin gave Shuhua her shy head tilt accompanied by the gentle smile she saved especially for her, the dread that Shuhua had been carrying on her shoulders lifted just a tiny bit.

They had found their equilibrium.

Shuhua opened her eyes and lifted her laptop screen. There, waiting for her, were two unread messages. She clicked on the text chat icon and eagerly started reading.

**Baby 20:55:** _How’s it going? What’re you up to?_

 **Baby 20:55:** _Also let me know when you sleep so I can tell you good night <3 _

That didn’t sound like Soojin didn’t want to talk to Shuhua because she was bored of her. Shuhua’s eyes found the calendar again.

Twelve weeks.

Just around the time when romantic feelings were supposed to evolve from the all-consuming passionate lust to a more stable, longer-lasting intimate love. Shuhua’s eyes traveled from the calendar to Soojin’s contact picture in the text chat. It was a picture of Soojin and Shuhua’s hands, fingers intertwined, overlaid with a black-and-white filter.

A deep sense of calm settled over Shuhua. It felt like she was sitting in her garden back home, the comforting scent of peach blossoms filling the air and reminding her that she belonged there. The same feeling she got whenever Soojin told her that she loved her, whether it was with her words or with her eyes.

What did Shuhua have to fear? Soojin would always be there, whether it was now, tomorrow, or a year from now. They had promised each other that they’d be there for each other no matter what. If Shuhua really had to talk to Soojin about something, Soojin would always pick up. But for tonight, Soojin wanted some alone time. And while Shuhua missed Soojin, she would not take that as an indication that Soojin liked her any less, or that she was trying to put distance between them. Rather, Shuhua would trust that Soojin’s love would always exist, waiting for her whenever she needed it. And the fact that Soojin felt that their feelings wouldn’t change, despite not talking tonight, meant that whatever they had was stronger than what Shuhua had assumed. 

That was the type of love Shuhua needed.

So, Shuhua hovered her fingers over her keyboard, ready to tell Soojin what she had figured out.


End file.
